[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[magical music]
♪ ♪
[radio crackling]
I've locked in on the frequency.
[bell dings]
You know what that sound means.
The lucky caller wins dinner at Señor Pete's Fish Hut.
Inputting code now.
[dialing]
Sorry, you're the 19th caller.
Not a winner.
Oh, but 19's a prime number.
Again! [dialing]
Sorry, we already have a winner.
[growls angrily]
Oh! Whoa, ah!
Private!
Private, where are you? Sound off.
[groans]
Here, Skipper.
Easy, Private.
You took a nasty knock to the cranium.
Sorry.
- What's your name, solider? - Private.
- What's your rank? - Private.
What's your secret hidden shame?
Private!
He's fine.
But we've got tracks to cover.
Private, get rid of the evidence.
Aye, Skipper.
Ow!
[pennies clinking]
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
This gum ball is too ouchy.
Mort, that isn't a gum ball. It's a penny.
Oh!
Ow!
This penny is too ouchy!
Oh, you know what you could do?
You could toss it in the fountain and make a wish.
Oh, could I wish for gum balls?
Oh, sure, Mort.
Then someday, maybe your wish will come true.
Okay, I wish for...
um...
gum balls!
Where's my gum ball?
When do I get my gum ball?
I want my gum ball!
Silly Mort.
It doesn't happen right away. [magical chime]
So these are not my gum balls?
[angelic music]
[gasps]
Skipper, Kowalski, Rico!
You won't believe this.
The fountain's magic, and it's granting wishes.
Birthday candles.
Falling stars.
Coins in a fountain.
Can wishes come true?
Do our hopes and dreams materialize if we just believe?
Is there true magic in this mundane world of ours?
Yes, yes. Oh, yes!
No.
Science does not allow for the existence of magic.
This is a chart of lies.
Oh, Kowalski, if you'd just toss a penny in
and make a wish, you'd see.
Oh, humor the Private, Kowalski.
[sighs] Utter frivolity.
I wish for a--
oh, I don't know, a full-phase plasma blaster
with repeating action and laser sights.
There, okay?
I gave up every scientific principle I hold dear
and engaged in your ridiculous little flight of fancy.
And did I get a full-phase plasma blaster?
[magical chime] Yes! Yes, I did!
[blaster zaps]
Ah! It's magic!
Magic, magic, magic, magic!
I told you! I told you!
It's enchanted.
[penguins laughing hysterically]
Get a hold of yourself, men.
Yes, this is a wonderful magical thing we've discovered.
But it could also be the worst thing
that ever happened to us.
One careless wish could lead to horrific disaster.
Like?
Like, I don't know,
tidal waves, or earthquakes,
or exposing our entire operation to the world.
- [blaster clicks, charges] - [chuckles]
Seems a little far-fetched.
Says the penguin holding a plasma blaster
that the magical fountain just gave him.
Ooh. Fair point.
The risks are too great, men.
So I'm limiting you all to one small wish.
Rico?
Let's see.
I'll wish for-- oh, I don't know.
How about a fake mustache? Something for going incognito.
Are day-boat scallops
too much to ask, Skipper? [magical chime]
Ah, knock yourself out, Private.
Ah! Who are you?
What have you done with Skipper?
[grunts]
Easy, boys, it's just me. [chuckles]
all: Oh!
Scallops, please.
Rico, you're up.
Huh...
[jet ski whirring] Yoo-hoo-hoo!
Delicious.
- [blaster zaps] - Yes!
And that was only the medium setting.
Imagine what this baby could do when I jack it up to turbo.
How do, stranger? You wouldn't happen to know
where a fella could score a sarsaparilla?
Uh, no, I don't, stranger, but perhaps I could whip up a--
Kowalski, you fell for it again.
- It's just me. - Ah!
Maurice, the mustachioed one was the bossy one all along.
Really? Huh.
Never would've guessed that.
I wonder where the penguin
got such a wonderful disguise accessory.
- Mm, maybe the fountain. - [laughs]
Always, Mort, you say the stupidesty things.
How can a mustache come from a fountain?
It's a magic fountain.
If you make a wish, it comes true.
Say what, now?
Uh-huh. I wisheded for gum balls.
Hmm.
Okay, okay, okay.
I wish for, um...
in-line roller skates.
[laughs]
Hey, I am waiting, Mr. Fountain.
Where are my roller skates that are in a line?
[magical chime] Eh, this is a bust.
Let's go make fun of the chimpanz--[shouts]
Ah! Maurice, look!
It is truthiness.
The fountain has granted my wish.
See? I told you.
[chuckles] The fountain!
You throw in a penny, and it gives you things.
It's magic!
Phil, did he say what I think he said?
This is a magicness unlike any have ever seen.
Uh, magic?
[chuckles] This we gotta try.
All you need is a penny. You can't say no to that price.
Look out, baby! I'm making wishes!
Uh, I wish for a new tire swing.
And five tons of bananas.
Um... ooh, I want to go to Paris.
A Spanish guitar... ooh, that plays itself.
[clears throat]
Noise-cancelling headphones, please.
I want a new boomy box, a secret admirer,
silky pajamas,
a straw hat so I can play hillybilly,
a coffee mug that says, "World's Greatest King,"
and a new Maurice.
- [magical chime] - [mutters]
Hey!
Oh, dear.
Oh, yeah, that's pretty macho.
But that'smuy, muy macho.
Skipper. Skipper!
Skipper--ooh, who are you?
Ooh, that is a smashing good mustache, innit?
Oh, I know.
So why are you interrupting my mirror time?
Everyone knows about the fountain.
Churros y chocolate! Move out, men!
Aw, do we gotta?
Rico and I were about to conduct
- an important experiment! - Fine.
Private and I will handle this.
[light Spanish guitar music]
It's worse than I thought.
Who could have let our secret slip?
Be checking it out, y'all.
I am the world's greatest hillybilly king
in silky pajamas on skates.
See?
Now, listen, folks.
I know everyone's jazzed to get their heart's desire,
but we gotta talk about the elephant in the room...
or, should I say, the elephant not in the room.
I'm telling you, keep wishing for all this stuff,
and sooner or later, someone's gonna notice.
Egads! Alice is coming.
Exactly my point.
Scatter, hide, move!
Run, run!
Hey, what are you doing out of your habitat?
[whispers] Serpentine slide.
Come back here, you!
Aces, Private.
[sighs] Whatever.
Huh, penny.
Wish I knew what the story was with those penguins.
[explosion] Ah!
[smoke hissing]
That, uh, turbo setting
really packs a punch, huh, Rico?
- Rico? - [coughs]
The penguins!
They've got a whole secret lair down there.
With weapons.
I knew those penguins were up to something.
[helicopters whirring]
We've been compromised, men.
Maneuver delta tango victor.
Blast. Should have gone with delta tango foxtrot.
A startling discovery that rocks
the very understanding of human-animal relations.
I always knew something was off
about those penguins.
The penguins will be taken to a government lab,
where they will be studied and painfully dissected.
That means cut into.
Well, men, all I can say is...
you had to try the turbo setting.
You know I can't resist overkill.
Don't blame Kowalski, Skipper.
This is my fault,
what with all the wishing business.
A wish!
Quickly, Rico, get me a penny.
Only one shot, Private.
Make it count.
I wish none of this had ever happened.
[magical chime]
Yes!
[groans]
Easy, Private.
You took a nasty knock to the cranium.
Sorry.
What's your name, soldier?
Pri--wait. But--but-- I'm--I'm back.
My wish came true.
I'm back to where it all started.
None of it ever happened.
[laughs giddily]
Uh... what?
No, no, Private, what really happened was,
the concussive force to your brain
triggered an elaborate deluded fantasy.
So it was all a dream?
Absolutely.
As I said, wishes aren't real.
You're probably right. Ooh!
What?
[silly kazoo music]
♪ ♪
Ah!
Who ate my fudgy pops?
Not me.
Not me neither.
You're a stinky liar, Mort.
It is written all over your face
in delicious milky chocolate.
Why, Mort? Why did you eat my fudgy pops?
Um... April Fools?
It's August, Mort. April Fools ain't gonna fly.
Uh, Maurice,
what is this "April fuels" you speak of?
You never heard of April Fools?
Well, have you ever heard of, um, January jacks?
No, you have not.
Maybe because you just made that up.
What? That is so-- okay, you got me there.
But Christmas Steve, he is real. Really.
Steve knows if I've been bad or good.
And that's creepy.
April Fools is when you pull pranks on people
and they don't get mad, because you say, "April Fools."
Ooh! I like this concept.
I will try it.
Sorry, it only works on April 1st.
What? Come on.
I didn't know about April foolings
until just now, you know,
so I get to make up for all of the foolings I've missed.
Peanuts. For me?
Ah!
Did I mention they are jalapeño peanuts?
Also, did I mention... April Fools!
Come on, Maurice, stand on the "X."
Something might happen, maybe a nice surprise.
You don't know. Try it.
No, I'm not standing on the "X."
I'll do it!
Oh, no. Mort!
[grunting]
I'm coming for you, buddy.
[straining]
April Fools.
Men, our intel says a two-ton shipment
of battery-fresh Atlantic cod
will pass by the zoo gates at precisely 1400 hours.
- Kowalski. - Operation snare the cod
will require steady flippers, laser-like focus,
and of course, a sober resolve.
Help! Help!
An alligator is having me for lunch!
- That's Julien! - Roger's gone carnivore.
Roll out, men.
- What the-- - Please help!
Ringtail!
Ah! Ah!
Actually, I'm having this alligator for lunch.
[laughs] April Fools.
Wait a second here.
You just invited me over
so that you could prank the penguins.
But of course, Roger.
You didn't think I'd actually want to dine
with reptile riffraff, did you?
I ought to eat you, that's what I ought to do.
Oh, that was like a double April Fools.
I'm in the zone, baby.
Ringtail, it's not April 1st.
Silly penguin.
It's always April 1st somewhere.
You have no idea how a calendar works, do you?
- [claps] - The Julien Calendar:
pictures of me looking adorable on top,
random numbers on the bottom.
My favorite month is Julienuary.
[sighs] Pack it in, boys.
- Where was I? - Um, laser-like focus.
Right, right.
As I was saying, operation snare the cod
will require steady flippers, laser-like focus,
- and a sober-- - Help me!
Penguins, I am in desperate need of some genuine helping!
[groans]
[all shout]
Ringtail!
Eh, April Fools!
Bam! Gotcha!
[laughs]
So help me, you prank us again,
and you won't see next April.
Okay, okay.
I won't call for you again unless I absolutely have to.
[hurriedly] Steady flippers, laser-like focus,
- and a sober-- - Ah! Penguins, please!
I am on fire!
I can't take it!
It's a prank. Ignore it.
But what if it really is an emergency.
It's not. I'm certain.
- Help! This is no joke! - 90% positive.
- Come quickly! - Okay, maybe 85.
- I cannot last much longer! - 70.
Help!
[sighs] Let's go.
Ringtail?
[laughs]
Yes, I am on fire...
with these awesome April Fools pranks.
Ha-ha! You should see your face right now.
Oh! It's all mean and stuff, like this.
[shouts]
That's it, no more!
I have prepared a counter-prank plan
featuring crank calls, itching powder, and faux vomit.
Escalation, Kowalski? Negatory.
That'll play right into Ringtail's sick plan.
But, Skipper, he keeps exploiting
our altruistic instincts.
I don't think I can help helping.
Right you are, men.
That's why we need to begin prank resistance training.
- [whoopee cushion blurts] - Ooh!
Ugh!
Ah! [explosion]
Ah.
Ah!
[screams]
[squeaking]
Hey! What are you doing?
Hey, hey, you moved.
- You ruined the picture. - The picture?
Yeah, I tagged you with a rude drawing
in permanent marker.
[laughs] It's great.
You--you what?
Yeah, I call it butt-ffiti. [chuckles]
You are going to pay for this, lemur.
Oh, please, Roy.
It's April Fools. I have diplomatic immunity.
Ugh! And it's not April!
Men, I threw every gag in the book at you:
whoopee cushions, joy buzzers, and wet willies.
[shudders] That was my least favorite.
But you persevered. Congratulations.
You've completed your prank resistance training.
[all cheer]
I'm proud of you boys.
Got a little schmutz there, Private.
Just a friendly reminder--
pranks can happen any time, any place.
Stay frosty.
Sorry, Skipper. It won't happen again.
Don't sweat it, young Private.
Seriously, though, you got a little something.
Come on, Private, we just went over this.
Sorry, Skipper. Sorry, sorry.
Head in the game, man.
Now, all joking aside, a little stain right there.
Private, a little stain?
[whimpers]
Did you see the color those chameleons turned
when I tied their tongues together?
Oh, it was the best April foolishness ever.
Okay, but maybe it's time to give it a rest.
Uh, Maurice, I know this is hard for you
because of your bounteous bottom,
but lighten up, dude.
Ah!
Your majesty, are you all right?
The bouncy is lacking the bounce.
Someone poked a hole in it.
But who would do such a thing to someone as beloved as me?
[banging]
Next hole I punch is through you.
Do you suppose it was him?
Yup, I think it was him.
Private, I said little stain!
- Right there! - [whimpering]
Ah, penguins!
Phew.
Help me!
The rhino, he wants to skewer my fleshy parts.
Why, that sounds like a prank.
What's your game this time, Ringtail?
"Kick me" sign? The hotfoot?
Or is our refrigerator running?
Well, if it is, you better catch it. [chuckles]
No, no, no.
I am not being the April Fool.
Do we look stupid to you?
Eh, well, your brow is a bit, eh, heavy.
Oof! What?
I didn't even mention your ridiculous "wings."
[banging]
Roy's out to get you. Yeah, right.
You're just pulling another mean prank on me.
Actually, if I was pulling another prank on you,
I'd do this. Eee! A mouse!
[screams] Where? Where's the mouse?
[groans] Good thing I didn't do that.
[banging]
Ah!
Oof.
Ah!
I know you're there, lemur.
Oh, hello.
Just as an aside, I'm all done with the pranks.
unless, of course, it's really hilarious.
Or done-done. That works too.
You'll never play another prank again, buddy boy.
[screams]
Friendly observation.
You're letting anger dominate your life.
[laughs] You cannot reach me.
All I need to do is keep running up here forever,
and you will never--
[snorts]
I'm begging you.
Please do not give me the sharp end of your--
Skipper!
Sleep grenades, fire!
[grumbles]
- Sweet dreams, friend. - [snoring softly]
Well, Ringtail, I hope you've learned your lesson.
Yes, I've learned that
you will rescue me no matter how jerky I am to you.
That's not the lesson.
Really? Thought I had it.
Uh, then it must be a stitch in time saves nine.
No, that's not it either.
Okay. Saves eight?
Or ten, perhaps. Maybe an even number.
- You're not even close! - [snorts]
Um, always--
no, wait. Never--
no, wait. Sometimes--
look, if you want this to be a growing experience for me--
Ringtail!
[screaming]
[gasps] Why?
Why did this happen to someone who was so young,
and fluffy... [squeaks]
and... plush?
April Fools, Ringtail! [cackles]
- Sweet switcheroo, Kowalski. - In your lemury face.
Ooh! Ah! [all laughing]
Oh, we got you.
I'm telling Christmas Steve on all of you.
Creepy.
Ah, felt good to turn the tables,
- didn't it, Private? - Sure did.
Oh, you got a little stuffing there, Skipper.
- Hm? - Ha-ha! I got you, Skipper!
I totally got you!
[laughs]
Whoo-hoo! In your face.
[smack] Ow!
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪