[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Hey-oh yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[mischievous jazz music]
[birds chirping]
- [beeping] - Status report.
Emergency evacuation system will be operational
after one more delicate adjustment.
[clicking and beeping]
Steady, Private. Rico?
[screaming]
All the way to the koala habitat?
That's clear across the zoo.
Oh, he shouldn't be in the zoo at all.
Ugh! Needs more tension.
[groaning]
[snoring]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you all right? Hello?
[stammers] Who's there?
[gasps]
You? You're one of those penguins!
- Those penguins? - Yes!
The dangerously psychotic ones, right?
- Am I right? - Oh, um, well--
Don't blow me up! Or teleport me.
Or send me back in time.
I wouldn't.
Look, we haven't even properly met.
It's Leonard. Like to know your victims
by name, do you? I get it.
Um, I'm Private,
and I'm not going to hurt you, Leonard.
[both scream]
This is not hurting?
What's your idea of hurting?
Wait! I don't want to know.
It was an accident. Look.
No hitting! Not with the branch.
Ooh! Now you're jumping? Oh!
Um, okay. I'm just going to go.
I suppose you're going to get the rest of your goon friends
so they can pick on me too.
[crying] Why are you doing this?
What did I ever to do you?
He's daft... and so cuddly!
Skipper, have we ever done anything goony to any koalas?
Koalas? Koalas?
Uh, nothing overt. Why?
Well, this one named Leonard was scared silly. Of me!
I guess he'd heard some things about us.
Now, what could he have possibly heard about us
that would make him afraid?
- [zapping] - [explodes]
Well, no time to worry about that now.
[inhales]
Here goes.
Um, listen. We got off on the wrong track,
and I thought if you got to know us better,
you'd see that we were not, um...
hey, are you all right?
[gasps]
I scared him to--oh, dear.
[thuds]
All right. That should do it.
- Good work, Kowalski. - [door opens]
[grumbling]
[breathing heavily]
Ooh!
That koala is unauthorized personnel,
not to mention unconscious.
- [chuckles] - I know, Skipper,
but I'm afraid I might have given him
a fright attack or something.
You do know about koalas, don't you, Private?
Beyond their fuzzy cuteness? No.
Me neither. Kowalski, enlighten us.
Koala: a herbivorous nocturnal marsupial.
In Americano, please.
Uh, they eat nothing but leaves,
the ladies carry their babies in pouches,
and they sleep all day.
Oh. A hippie.
Wait. So our day is his night?
- Precisely. - That's just sleeping?
Uh-oh. I better take him back before it gets dark.
He's already frightened of us.
If he wakes up here, ooh--
[shouting nonsensically]
Uh, hi, there.
[stammering]
Penguins!
I've been kidnapped by penguins!
They're going to send me to the moon.
They're going to turn me into a cyborg!
[mumbling] Oh, yeah.
[screams]
Um, I just wanted to help.
You call this helping?
What's your idea of not helping?
You don't want to know.
Oh! Ugh! Ah!
Ooh!
Leonard, Leonard.
I promise you, we're not going to hurt you.
- [buzz] - [screams]
- Bye-bye. - Oh, it worked.
That hippie's clear to downtown.
I'm a promise-breaker.
[screaming]
It's slimy.
- And cold. - [dog growling]
[screams]
[dog barking]
I just wanted to show Leonard he was wrong about us.
He needn't be afraid.
Well, fail.
Ah, from a purely technical standpoint, I mean.
I'm going to bring him back.
You don't even know where he is.
He could be in Tribeca.
- But I know how he got there. - Nolita.
This should put me in the same area.
- Soho. - Private.
- Noho? - That koala was under our roof.
Authorized or not, we go.
Wego? I'm not familiar with that neighbor--
[screams]
Stand by. On my mark.
Now.
[all grumbling]
[dog growling]
[barking]
[barks violently]
[dog whimpers]
Deploy.
Scanning for our boreal marsupial.
[electronic beeping]
That way. Due north.
Let's move.
He should be right here.
Leonard? How did you--
Shh! He's trying to tell us something.
Fortunately, I am a skilled lip reader.
- "I'm claustrophobic." - Ooh, it's too bad
he's all squeezed in there then, isn't it?
"Lungs constricted.
Breathing labored.
Running out of socks and pens."
I've heard enough. Private, hit the good ware store.
Kowalski, office supplies.
Rico, get the man out of that box
so we can give him his socks and pens.
[regurgitates]
[coin clinks]
[gasps]
Hey, ha, oh, whoa, whoa!
What about the socks?
We want to help you, Leonard.
Your helping isn't helpful, so don't help.
We don't take orders; we give orders.
Yes, that is the traditional rescuer/rescuee relationship.
Car!
Leonard, get out of sight before--
- Huh! - Let's go, men.
It's clear Leonard does not want or need our help.
Not with cars, not with dogs, not with people.
Oh, he'll like people.
They'll think he's a cuddly play toy.
They'll want to pick him up and hug him real tight.
Wait! Don't leave me!
[water splashes]
[signal buzzing]
[horns honking]
[upbeat music]
[shouting nonsensically]
[yawns]
Run!
We can't outrun the sun.
Can we slow down, then?
I have motion sickness issues.
I think I'm going to be--
Oh, great. That's just what we need.
Rico, comatose koala transport, if you please.
That'll work.
Get out of the street, you dumb birds!
Next time.
Leonard!
So that didn't work.
[grunting comically]
I might have an idea.
Good call, Private.
Thanks, Skipper.
Doorway.
So what's the downside to leaving him?
[whimpers]
Ah, let's go.
[crash]
[all groaning]
We're running out of options here.
[flies buzzing]
- Never. - Kowalski, what are you doing?
What would Leonardo da Vinci do?
Paint a haunting portrait of a woman smiling
- enigmatically? - Couldn't hurt, I guess.
Create and innovate!
[wind whistling]
We're almost home.
[grunting]
Uh-oh.
[wind whistling]
[suspenseful music]
Based on prevailing wind currents--
ah! [screaming]
- Kowalski's down. - Thorns!
- Eyes on the prize, men. - Ow! Ow!
[vomits]
Rico, no!
[explodes]
You know, Rico, there is such a thing
as too much dynamite.
[suspenseful music]
Dive, dive, dive.
[suspenseful music]
Ah!
Ugh!
[upbeat rock music]
What did I miss?
Hey, guys. Where you been all day?
And what's with the teddy bear?
That's classified information, Marlene.
'cause I don't want to talk about it.
Hi, there, little fellow.
Oh, no. You? You're the otter.
Back off, lady! Back off!
Uh, what just happened?
Sounds like you got a bad reputation, Marlene.
[eerie music]
[engine rumbling]
[tire screeching]
[truck beeping]
Okay. You're good.
Little more. Little less.
Appears to be a Hoboken surprise.
Ooh! Perhaps it's a unicorn.
Private, the transfer's from New Jersey,
not rainbow pixie land.
Alice, what's in the box anyway?
- You don't want to know. - Yeah, I probably do not.
I see increased security.
Intriguing. Go on.
It's... it's... it's a boa.
Ooh. Boas are very festive.
They frame the face in fabulousness.
Not that kind of boa, Ringtail.
Member of the genus constricus realtighten eatus.
I've worked up a rendering of the actual size
of our new arrival.
[laughs] Well, well.
Rather puny, yes?
[panting]
Now, that's a lot of snake.
Especially when the crushing begins.
Precisely. As much my scratch and sniff guide
to rain forest animals clearly indicates,
a boa will coil around its prey,
squeeze into unconsciousness,
then swallow it... whole.
Take a good whiff. That's the smell of fear.
- Mm. - Eh!
Technically it's snake bile but point taken.
Hey, hey, look. I'm sure boas
are mean in the wild, but this is the zoo.
Guys, you know, we're neighbors.
Right, and neighbors don't eat neighbors.
I do! If my neighbor is a mango.
If this snake tries anything cute,
we'll be on him like stink on a chimp.
I beg your pardon, sir.
I believe you're smelling my partner.
[children giggling]
[chuckles] Thank you. You're too kind.
Skipper! Intercepting an inter-zoo transmission.
Keep dancing. It confuses the lookee lous.
[giggling]
It's the lemurs; we lost one.
[children cheering]
Take a bow, Private. Show's over.
Okay. From the beginning.
Yes. I noticed a chill in my feet.
Then it hit me: "Where's Mort? "
Mort, from the Latin root "Morte,"
as in "dead."
Let's not jump to conclusions
until we rule out all other possibilities.
Or find a body.
Who will bring to me my fruity smoothie
with the teeny umbrella and twisty straw?
The smoothies!
Julien did send mort to get some pineapple
from over by reptile house.
Yeah, the geckos get all the good stuff.
Reptile house, eh?
Gentlemen, I smell a rat,
and it's inside a snake.
[frog croaks]
[hissing] Ah, the neighbors.
I was hoping I would get a chance to eat you.
What did he say?
I mean, "meet" you.
Slip of the tongue.
Oh, I know.
I've put my foot in my mouth a time or two.
Mmm, good dark-meat ratio.
How rude. I am Savio, and you are?
Suspicious.
We've got a disappeared tiny, little lemur.
I trust nothing tragic transpired.
Tragic? Who said anything about tragic?
Private, did you? Kowalski? No.
- No one mentioned tragic. - Go figure.
This should be easy enough to clear up.
If you could just tell us, Savio,
where were you between the hours of, uh, now
and, uh, sometime before now?
Where would I be? Where could I be?
As you can see, I've no possible means
of escaping this glass prison.
Kowalski?
Hmm. Seems to be an encrypted keypad to control...
ah, state of the art electronic magnalocks.
His alibi would appear to be solid.
[grunting]
There you see, not a guilty bone in my body.
[burp]
Ah, now let's say we put this unpleasantness behind us.
You come inside for a bite...
- Oh... - I wasn't born yesterday.
If I was, I'd be in diapers,
which apparently I am not.
[grunts angrily]
[chuckles]
Let's go through this one more time, Kowalski.
[yawns]
As we've already established,
our boa could not have escaped.
His habitat is locked down tight.
Lockdown. Let's look at those locks
one more time, shall we?
Double-forged titanium interlocking tumblers
openable only from the outside keypad.
- Blah! - Hello.
What do we have here?
Ventilation shaft.
Oh, I suppose it's possible.
Ugh. Sorry, Skipper.
Too narrow. He might be able to squeeze his body,
but with a belly full of indigested prey,
it would be all put impossible.
[screams]
Somebody stole Maurice in my sleep!
I'm sensing a pattern here, boys.
It starts with a scream and ends with a lemur biting the dust.
[scream]
It's Marlene! She's no lemur.
Well, it's a complicated pattern.
We're too late.
[grunts]
Kowalski, what's this look like to you?
Ah, inconclusive.
A fragment of shoe leather, perhaps synthetic.
Eh! Wrong.
Try snakeskin.
Boys, I'll bet my left flipper we find that snake out
slithering for a snack.
It's a good thing you're right-flippered, Skipper.
Rico, check structural integrity.
[explodes]
- Oh. - Check.
Believe me, there are much more difficult things to swallow
than my obvious innocence.
My, my, my. Someone looks plump.
As do you, but do I make wild accusations?
No. I find that distasteful.
Sorry, Savio.
I keep telling them not to judge a book by its cover.
Indeed. Words to live by.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and digest your meaty--
allegations.
Perhaps it's all just a coincidence
that mammals began disappearing when Savio arrived.
Sure, Private. Maybe all the little mammals
got pulled in to a top secret little mammal meeting.
In that snake's digestive tract!
- Ooh! - Whew.
Thanks be to the food spirits, I am not a mammal.
- But you are a mammal. - No, I am not!
Ah, warm-blooded, furry, belly button.
No question. Mammal.
A taste for mammals, eh?
Excelente snake bait, young Private.
Why do I always have to be the bait, Skipper?
Because you're gullible and expendable.
That's a twofer.
[whimpering]
Monkey it up a little. Come on, Private.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
I could go for some ripe bananas, I could.
Perhaps I'll go on my tire swing.
It's working.
Oh, and whatever you do, don't look behind you.
Please hurry.
Private, we're on the move.
[all shuddering]
We've been hosed!
Private, come in.
Come in!
Ah-ha!
What will you accuse me of now?
Eating a penguin in a monkey suit?
Yeah, that's a pretty good guess there.
[chuckles] I wonder how he does that.
Yes, that would be a neat trick.
The air vent.
But, Skipper, I told you it's too small
- for him to slip through. - But he's a long,
long snake, isn't that right, Savio?
Why, I'll bet he could make it clear to--
Hey, what is that "beep, beep, beep" I am hearing?
- Make it clear to the-- - I hear it too.
Make it--
[all gasp]
Yeah, that was my theory.
Sometimes only a real mammal will do.
Oh, so this is what being paralyzed by fear feels like.
Ha ha. Good to know.
Rico!
Ah!
Ooh!
Kowalski, options?
Yes! The pen is mightier than--
of course that was a pencil. Pen would have been better.
He's slowing you down.
[screams]
Ah!
Ringtail.
Yay!
King Julien got eaten up too!
Oh, I suppose some books can be judged
by their cover after all.
When the cover is snakeskin.
It's disgusting and smelly and slimy.
And snaky.
Get us out of here!
Skipper! Oh, he'll have a plan.
He's always got a plan.
- Got a plan? - No.
Help!
You know, I think my eyes
were bigger than my stomach on that one.
Okay, got something.
It's a multistage plan.
Phase one, run!
Diversion!
Obstacle.
- Serpentine. - We can't defeat a serpent
with serpentine!
Jump!
You like mammals, right?
Meet Burt...
The world's largest land mammal, FYI.
No, really, I could not eat another thing.
Got that right.
Huh!
Hmm!
[groaning]
Ooh, I'll give such a pinch.
[all scream]
Tell me we came out of the mouth.
This isn't New Jersey, tough guy.