[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
There he is. Get him.
Get him!
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
[horse neighing]
Welcome to the Gala debut
of our Central Park Zoological Menagerie.
We celebrate this splendiferous occasion of today
and look forward to the grand possibilities of tomorrow
with the burial of this centennial time capsule.
[applause]
[playful music]
100 years from this day, the children of our children...
Sorry, squirrel. End of the line.
Now, where's the key?
Right here. See for yourself.
[chimes tinkling]
No. Don't look into the eyes!
The key! Get the key!
Not today.
And not for 100 years.
[adventurous music]
♪ ♪
Ha-ha! You won't crack that lock,
you villainous rodents. Tallyho!
[suspenseful music]
[adventurous music]
♪ ♪
[fire whooshing]
And now, 100 years after it was buried
with pomp and pageantry,
all eyes are on the unearthing
of the zoo's centennial time capsule.
What wonder will we find within?
This is Chuck Charles live on the scene.
[steam whooshing]
[electronic chirping]
We've got company, Skipper.
The rats are removing something from the zoo time capsule.
Appears to be some sort of key.
- And they're getting away. - Oh, no, they're not.
Private and I are on the way over. Over.
[humming]
[engine rumbling]
The stories were true!
And now the lost treasure of the golden squirrel
will finally belong to the rats!
Totally. And this key is the key to us finding it,
which makes it a key, like, both in the literal
and metaphorical sense.
- How deep is that? - Whatever that key is,
you don't get it, literally or metaphorically.
Yah!
No way! He took the key! Get him!
- Literally? - Just get the key.
[shouting]
Ah!
[loud clunk]
[singing indistinctly]
[grunting]
♪ All right, all right ♪
[both shouting]
[sputters]
Maurice, read to me the latest balance
from the vault of the royal treasury.
[metal jingling]
A buck forty in change,
two subway tokens, one bottle cap--
Eh! The king must have enough wealth and treasure
to keep him 100% out of touch
to the needs of his common subjects.
Like me! [engine roaring]
[metal tinks]
Whoa! Ohh! Skipper!
Hang tight, Private.
[tires squealing]
Yes! Awesome! Check me out.
The key to this squirrel's swag is totally--oh!
Looks like we're all out of wealth and treasure,
unless some just happens to drop out of the sky.
[metal pings]
Ooh.
Now, what could this possibly--
Get him! [loud thuds]
But, Skipper, shouldn't we return this key
to the zoo time capsule?
Of course we should.
But do you have any idea what this key could mean?
- Tell him, Kowalski. - The promise of mystery,
adventure, hidden clues, action set pieces, red herrings,
diabolical double-crosses, and a thrilling climax
that ultimately bashes us all over the head
with a lesson about the importance
of nonmaterial possessions.
Exactly, who could say no to a good old-fashioned
- treasure hunt? - Excuse me a little bit.
But I think I heard "treasure" in and amongst those words.
And since I touched that key for 26 seconds,
I am entitled to half of it.
Kowalksi, accounting analysis.
Uh, 26 seconds of 9/10 of the law
equals 50% share.
Well, I question his motives, but his math is impeccable.
Fine, Ringtail. But if you get in my way
on this road to high adventure,
I'm running you over.
- [knocking] - Bushy tail?
Are you home? We need squirrel intel.
Ordinarily, when I think intelligence,
I would not think Fred.
Guys, guys, shh.
My granny's up in the tree trying to take a nap.
[quietly] So let's all talk like this.
Sorry, Fred. This should just take a second.
We need you to take a look at this squirrel artifact.
Hmm. Hmm. Okay, then. Later, guys.
- Fred. - The key! What about--
- Shh! - [quietly] The key.
Hmm, what about it?
Well, we were hoping you could...
tell us something about it?
Oh, tell you something about it.
You said just look at it.
Tell you something about it.
Hmm, yeah, that's harder.
Wait, what was it you said you heard the rat say?
The hidden something of the glorious something
- with the treasure on top? - No, no, no.
It was the, uh-- the missing...
no, that's not it. The, uh...
the enchanted-- [lighting cracks and booms]
The lost treasure of the golden squirrel!
[lightning cracks]
- Dah! - Ah!
Yes, lost treasure! [laughs]
Eh, this is real treasure, right?
Not one of those "friendship is the greatest
treasure of all" deals?
Because you can't trade friendship for, you know,
the goods and the services.
Hidden clues will guide you.
Now that the key has been exposed,
you must find the treasure and destroy it!
There, you see? We must use the key
to find the treasure and--wait.
Did you say, "destroy the treasure,"
not, "spend it all as fast as possible"?
You must follow me. There isn't much time.
[thunder cracks and booms]
Ho-ho-hold on. Why would we go through
all the trouble of finding that treasure
- if we're just gonna destroy it? - That does seem illogical.
If the treasure is so dangerous, why not just leave it hidden?
Because there are those with greed in their souls
who will stop at nothing until they have the treasure.
[exhaling]
[lighting cracking]
[gasps] The rats!
[groaning indistinctly]
Of course. Imagine what the rats would do
if they ever got control of that much wealth and power.
I'd try, but I can't.
Too busy imagining what I would do.
Right, it's your basic
race-for-the-hidden-treasure scenario.
But how, Skipper? How do we even know
- where to begin looking? - Behold, the key.
[lighting cracks]
- Uhh. - Eh.
[lighting zaps]
[metal clattering] [breathy noise]
[lightning zapping]
[zapping noise]
Fred, your granny is brilliant.
- She sure is. - How is it
that she knows so much about the treasure?
Oh, wait, you mean her, because that's not my granny.
What do you mean that's not your granny?
I told you, my granny's back at the tree taking a nap.
Fred, she hugged you.
Well, yeah, I mean, that did strike me as a bit odd.
But hey, what am I gonna do, say no to a hug?
- I love hugs. - Here! Here it is...
- in the zoo. - Marlene's place.
[loud thwack]
Boss, did you hear that?
They're going after the first clue to the treasure.
Awesome. Less work for us.
If you have to work to get treasure,
that's just like a job, you know?
Okay, careful. Watch out. That's delicate--hey!
Who didn't wipe their feet?
[clattering]
Hmm?
I'm sorry, what was it exactly that you were looking for,
you know, here, here in my house?
[clanging and thumping]
My head makes "thumps!"
Could be anything, Marlene--
trapdoor, recessed antechamber,
Rico, solve this mystery.
[hacking] [chainsaw buzzing]
Okay, enough. This is my home.
I know every inch of this place,
and there are no trapdoors.
There are no recessed antechambers.
No... [thuds and shouting]
Hidden staircases?
Okay. I'm a-okay.
[shouting and clattering]
I calculate that I'm about halfway dow--
[shouting and clattering]
- [heavy thud] - Ah!
Wow, this actually adds a lot of square footage to my place.
Fred, can you take a look at these
mysterious squirrel carvings?
Not a problem.
When I say, "look at them, Fred,"
- I mean, "Can you read them?" - Oh, read them.
Well, sure I can, but, you know, that's harder.
Skipper, it looks like this section of the tunnel
was part of the city's original sewer system.
I could convert this into a killer game room,
you know, get some light in here,
foosball, maybe air hockey.
Hey, guys? It says, "ahead lies the path
"to the treasure of the golden squirrel
and certain riches."
Marlene! [whooshing explosion]
Oh, and, guys, this part says something about traps.
Yeah, deadly traps.
Maybe I should have read that part first, huh?
- [flames whoosh] - Ah!
[flames whooshing]
Skipper, look! There it is!
That must be the clue.
[laughs] A mysterious ancient map!
- It's classic. - Well, then, what is it
- that we are waiting for? - Not so fast, Ringtail.
This whole place is no-doubtedly booby-trapped.
Of course. Do you really think that I would be so careless
as to just fling myself after the map?
[laughs] Mort!
Deal with the booby traps.
"Booby" sounds fun!
Mort, no!
[giggling] [blade swishing]
[thuds loudly]
Ah, yeah! Can I do it again?
There. Was that so hard?
[banging and rumbling]
- Ah! - Follow me.
[flames whooshing]
We'll take that map...
and the key!
Aaagh!
Uh. Mine!
[rumbling]
Yagh!
[grunts] [chuckles]
[rumbling and clattering]
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Move it! - Marlene!
[rumbling]
We better get out of here.
[clanking and rumbling]
[flame whooshing]
- We're trapped! - This whole place
- is gonna collapse! - Kowalski, how long?
I would estimate total structural failure
at approximately... [heavy boom]
right now.
[tense music]
- Go! - You mean down the big tube
shooting fire? [fire blasts]
- Thank you, but no thank you. - If we time it between
the merciless blasts of broiling flames, then...
there's a miniscule chance of survival.
- [loud banging] - On my mark.
Now.
[water gurgling]
[gasp]
Ugh.
Oh, hey, guys.
Um, the rats have a message for you,
something about meeting them in Chinatown
in an hour with the key,
that if you ever want to see your friend again,
do you know what that's all about?
Hey, what happened to the otter?
[horn fanfare]
[banging and clanking]
[burps]
Meter's running.
[tires squealing]
[horns honking]
Mm? Aha! Uh, Skipper...
Fred, what can you make of these?
Hmm, let's see now.
This part says...
"Only the pure of heart will have the strength
to see the truth."
Pure of heart, eh?
Well, that's classic, bordering on cliché.
Huh? [thwacking]
[tires screeching]
But how will we know which of us is pure of heart?
You must risk looking into the eyes of the squirrel.
[whimpering] [thunder cracking]
Ah! She's ba-ack.
[zapping noise]
They know of your deepest secrets,
your greediest desires.
[eerie whispering]
you must be strong enough to resist them,
or you will be consumed by your own greed.
This is the curse of the treasure.
[lightning booming]
[metal tinks]
Fine, we get it. The treasure's cursed.
Are we done with the jib-jab?
Let's get on the road to high adventure.
Curse or no, we still need to trade this key
to get back our friend.
So I'll just hold this and look into...
The eyes of the squirrel.
They know of your deepest secrets.
Where am I? How did I get--
Greetings, Maurice.
[together] We are here to serve you.
[spitting] [chuckles]
[spits] [laughing]
Oh, yeah! My deepest desire!
Oh, I can get used to this.
- Maurice? - [spitting]
Maurice! Quit daydreaming, and give me the key already.
But if we give them this,
we won't be able to get the treasure.
Finally. You see, this is exactly
what I have been saying.
I don't have time to argue with you lemurs.
- Kowalski. - Coming right up, Skip--ah...
Oh, boy. [eerie whispering]
That's strange.
I'm obviously under the hypnotic influence
of some sort of-- [honks loudly]
Is that an upgraded cerebellum of my own design?
Hoo-hoo, yay!
Perfect fit! [laughs]
Kowalski. Kowalksi! Hand over that key.
- That's an order. - No! I--
I think we need to weigh our other options.
In that case, you leave me no choice.
Rico, take Kowalski into custody
and schedule a court martial for--Rico.
[groaning] [eerie whispering]
[bell dings] [loud thumping]
Robot!
- Mine! - But, guys, we already voted
to trade the treasure to save Marlene.
That wasn't so much a vote as a poll, if you will.
Yeah, things change. Forget Marlene.
I'm sorry, Skipper. But I have seen myself
with a 4,000-pound cerebral cortex,
- and I am beautiful! - Not so fast, brainiac.
I need that treasure for my army of Julian manservants.
Yes, you see? Maurice needs the treasure
for his--wait, go back a little bit.
[grunting] [shouting]
Just give it to me!
Skipper, we have to do something.
Relax, Private. This is just the part
of the adventure where we start to turn on each other.
No use fighting it.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
[wind whistling]
It's the curse.
[lightning cracks]
Lady... again? Weren't you just here?
Their greed is changing them.
The treasure must be destroyed.
It's the only way.
[lightning zaps]
Hey, I told you, I don't even know this lady.
Well, how did she do the thing with the wind
and all that thunder stuff?
I don't know. She gives good hugs, though.
[shouting and thwacking]
This key is going to the rats.
Yes, it is. And since I already have the map
and your friend... [thwack]
I guess that means I'll take it all.
That figures.
[clank]
Skipper! Move it!
We have to give chase to the rats,
who are absconding with my booty!
Not my booty booty, my treasure booty.
Let's see.
[heavy thud] Not this one.
[heavy thud] Not that one.
[heavy thud] [rat squeaks]
- Ah! - Eh!
You guys seem to think that this treasure
is gonna be the answer to all your--
tha--that this treasure is gonna be the ans--
oh, vaulted ceilings, spacious design.
I love what I've done with the place.
[Spanish guitar music]
Ooh! [giggling]
Eh. Huh? Eh.
Hey, wait! She found it.
Get her! [thuds]
Boys, look. It's the treasure.
Look how much of it there is.
Awesome.
[whooshing]
I don't have a better word than "awesome,"
so I'm just gonna say "awesome" again,
but this time louder.
Awesome!
[coins clinks]
[plucks guitar note]
[suspenseful music]
[thunderous clatter]
[rumbling]
Marlene!
You! But how did you find us?
We took the map.
Yes, you did.
Fortunately, we have a photographic memory.
- We do? - Well, technically, no.
But we do have a photographic camera,
which is almost as convenient,
plus it corrects for red eye.
[coins jingling]
Quick, get more gold than the rats.
We can beat them.
No, you must dare to look into the eyes of the squirrel,
into your deepest desire-- [thud]
He who is pure of heart
will see the truth.
Can someone give me one good reason
why we keep listening to this raving banshee?
Fine, give me that thing.
But, Skipper, what about the curse?
Don't worry, Private. Money can't buy honor
or courage or character.
I'm immune to-- [gasps]
Ahh. [laughing]
I'll take five of these and three of that one.
No, no, the big one, the really big one.
[rocket blasting]
Come on! Get some! Whoo!
Oh, dear. Well, that didn't work out so well.
I guess I better have a go.
[eerie whispering]
[laughing]
Baby duckies! They're so cute!
And they're all mine.
No way, Private. We need those funds
for the defense budget.
No! It's mine.
You can never have enough Spanish guitar.
[grunting]
- Duckling! - Tanks.
Ah. [eerie whispering]
Whoa, this must be my greed fantasy now.
I can hardly wait to see the depths
of my own depravity.
This is gonna be good, y'all.
Oh, yeah. Here we go.
It's... it's my kingdom and...
Hey!
Maurice?
And Mort?
You, do you see the truth?
I see that I have been ripped off.
Hello? I thought we were supposed
to be seeing our greatest desires here,
not just... unless...
unless...
- I already ha-- - Do you see the truth?
Just back off, squirrel lady.
Trying to have a meaningful epiphany moment over here.
Unless I already have my greatest desire.
Ah! I got it!
I see the truth.
[grunts]
- Huh? - The only way to win
is get rid of all of it.
It will sink their side of the platform too.
[laughs] I threw that quite well.
Mm. Huh?
[loud clunk]
[coin dings]
[booming thud]
[rats shouting]
This is not awesome!
Ugh!
[booming explosion]
Huh?
[whimpering]
[fireball whooshes]
[rumbling]
[all shouting]
Where is the love? [descending whistle]
[approaching screams]
all: Ow!
[groaning]
Yay! [clunk]
[playful music]
So it turns out
that I am the one who is pure of heart.
Me. Yes, me!
"M" to the "E." Me.
I guess we can chalk that up as the surprise ending.
You call that an ending?
A proper ending is supposed to be emotionally satisfying.
Yeah, well, I'm just satisfied that it's over.
- Ugh, and how. - Yeah.
Guh, if I never hear another word
about treasures or clues or--
- [gasps] - No time to explain.
This is the legendary feather of the crystal falcon.
Guard it with your life.
Ha! Kowalski! Analysis.
High probability of globetrotting escapades,
ruthless villains, and ancient riches,
all tied up nicely by the heartfelt realization
that we had what we were looking for inside us all along.
Ooh, I'm in.
Who can say no to a mystical quest?
Private, I'll need you to-- Private?
Hey! Wait! Hey, where you going?
This isn't the ending anymore.
Come on! It's the beginning now.