[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
♪ Oh, hey-oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
Ah! Okay, boys, aquatic combat drill.
We dive in three, two...
- Quack! - "Quack"?
- Skipper, we have company. - Pardon me, ma'am,
but we're about to do our training exercises.
Please, we can't go back to our pond.
- It's not safe. - There's a mean fish there.
- Fish? - A monster fish.
It devours everything in its path
with its horrible, hideous jaws.
The way I see it,
you go in two-man teams, me on point.
We target the hostile with C4 explosives,
- and-- - And nothing.
You leave this to the professionals.
Mama's right, little eggie.
We got this one in the bag.
Come on, boys. We're going fishing.
[tranquil music]
Silly ducks.
Birds eat fish, not the other way around.
So true.
I think I've caught something.
Oh! He's a big one.
Reel it in, young Private.
Nice and easy.
[grunting]
[disappointedly] Oh. That's it?
We do that 20 more times, we might have enough for lunch.
Grab hold, men!
[gurgle-screaming]
[screaming]
[growls]
Teeth. So many sharp, jagged t-t-teeth.
It was those black, soulless eyes
that got me. [shudders]
Rico, get a load of these two yellowbellies.
Yeah! [mutters]
[laughs nervously]
You're not scared too, are you?
- Uh-huh. - Come on! It was just a fish.
Not just any fish, Skipper--
The snakehead trout.
It's an invasive species that devours everything in its path,
leaving nothing but despair and tragedy in its wake.
- [gasps] - [gasps]
Doh!
It's ...a ...fish.
We... eat... fish.
Yes, but this unholy beast flips the very order of nature.
It's as if our dinner is having us for dinner.
[sobs]
I understand, men.
Do me a favor: line up right here.
[slaps] Snap out of it!
Now, look, I need options. Let's hear 'em.
No, we're not running away.
I have an idea, but I'm not sure how safe it is.
I like it already.
[adventure music]
Ooh! [engine sputtering]
Ah!
[wheel squeaking]
[welding noise]
Well, Skipper, she's ready.
Outstanding, Kowalski.
I've been John Paul Jonesing for a nautical adventure.
Okay. Um...
how do we get it out of here?
[groans]
[dramatic music plays]
Oh, ho, ho!
My peoples, rejoice!
Your king has arrived.
Ringtail, what are you doing here?
Kingly duties--you know,
christen boats, abuse power, kiss babies.
Mwah!
[spitting] Ugh! Feathery.
Now the boat. Maurice, bottle me.
By the powers infested in me by... me,
I christen thee King Julien aye aye.
That's fancy talk for "two."
Easy, now. The carbonation content
of that bottle is under extreme pressure.
It could explode.
That... is...the... idea.
Why is it not exploding?
Look, we're on a schedule here,
- so if you-- - No, wait, I can get this.
- I know this. I got it. - Oh!
[grunts]
Ringtail!
Tell you what; take the bottle.
Maybe you'll get thirsty. Who knows?
All right, men. Let's launch.
[upbeat music plays]
- Be careful! - I'll keep an eye
- on the home front, sir. - I'm taking your TV
if you don't make it back.
[water gurgling]
[sonar pinging]
Skipper's log. Crew nervous, edgy,
gripped by the icy fingers of fear.
They may be planning a mutiny.
[clang]
[whistling casually]
Status report, Private.
Nothing on the scope, Skipper.
Maybe it's not here anymore.
Maybe it got swallowed by an enormous pelican.
Or maybe it spontaneously evolved,
grew legs, and walked clear to another pond.
Yup, the smart money's on that theory.
- Let's go home. - No, he's here.
I can feel it.
[beeping]
[gasps] Look!
It's the Snakehead.
All right, men. Steady as she goes.
- Ready all-- - Fire everything!
[alarm] [beeps]
- Did I say fire all weapons? - No.
But we could see where you were going with it.
- Uh-huh. - Skipper!
- We hit it! - Hot coco.
A direct hit.
Bring her about, Rico.
Let's get a look at the beast.
- [sighs] - Sorry.
On that scope, they all look the same.
[slaps]
All right, then. Just this once,
I'm going to fudge the whole incident in my report.
Skipper's log. The crew is performing spectacularly
and not at all like a bunch of nancy cats.
Rico, full reverse.
All engines, stop.
We seem to be tethered to the tire.
Dandy. Someone's going to have
to go out there and untether us.
Wow, I'm really behind on my navigation charts.
We could be feet off course. Shame on me.
Oh, gee, nothing on the scope, Skipper.
But, you know, that could change at any moment.
[whistles casually]
[bonk]
Fine. I'll do it, you nancy cats.
- Okay, if you insist. - Either one works.
[door opens]
- Hmm, I'm ashamed. - Me too.
- Uh-huh. - Not so ashamed
- I'd go out there, but-- - Gosh, no.
Nuh-uh.
Look at Skipper. He's not gripped
by crippling fear.
[playful music]
[mimic crying]
[growling]
Behind you!
[all gasping and yelling]
Skipper!
[alarm beeping]
[squeaking]
The Snakehead, it's...
it's gone.
Then so is...
Skipper.
[all wailing]
Kowalski's log.
- What? Too soon? - [sighs sadly]
No, go on.
Skipper is... gone.
We are left to carry on for him.
And the best way we can do that
is to gut that snakehead like the fish it is.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Yeah!
So anybody know where he is?
This thing isn't making any pinging noises at all.
He's gone into hiding. We need to lure him out.
Any ideas?
[retching]
[growls]
- I've got a ping. - Mr. Rico,
lock on, and full speed ahead.
Booyah!
[sonar pinging]
Steady, steady...
Now... fire all weapons.
Um, Kowalski? We already did that.
Oh. Oh, right.
[growling]
Yuh-oh.
Evasive maneuvers.
Full speed! Get us out of here!
[growls]
Either an old tire or the Snakehead
is right on our tail!
No more running.
Rico, hard to port.
Bring us about.
We're taking that scaly scalawag down.
[adventure music]
[growling]
[explosion]
[all coughing]
- Did we get it? - Oh, unquestionably.
No fish could withstand a head-on impact of that force.
[all cheer]
[sad music]
Then Skipper can rest in peace.
[growls]
Oh, come on, now!
Birds eat fish, not the other way around!
Skipper, you're alive!
Of course I am. Come on.
Though I gotta admit
this fish is putting up one heck of a--
- The soda bottle! - Skipper!
- Catch! - Catch!
[growls]
Much obliged.
Give it a moment.
[explosion]
[birds chirping]
Mama duck, I pronounce this pond
- fearsome fish free. - Oh, thank you.
But where did the Snakehead go?
Oh, mama duck,
we don't have to worry about him anymore.
Sushi?
[dramatic music plays]
Sorry, boys. You just got flanked.
I'd say this simulated combat exercise is over.
- Hoo-ah! - I'd say that too, Skipper,
if that flanking maneuver hadn't sent your man
straight into our classic pincer trap.
- Boomshakana! - [laughs]
- We fooled you, Skipper. - What? Aw, man!
But what you failed to take into account is,
this terrain just turned into molten lava.
Your man's legs melted. Boomshakana!
Well, but I-- oh, look!
A scientist just developed personal hover technology.
[mimic hovering sound]
And we just developed laser eye beams.
Zat! Zzzzat! Zat!
But we're wearing mirrored disco ball pants
that reflect your laser eyes back at you.
Ptang! Ptang!
[grunts]
I called no lava!
[bird shrieks]
- Missile incoming! - Look out!
Skipper, did the missile just tell us to look out?
What new madness is this?
Activate the talking missile defense shield.
- [retching] - [shudders]
- Deploy! - [screaming]
Backhand punch.
- [bird shrieking] - Shields penetrated.
Ground units, move in.
- [sighs] - [groans]
- What the? - [sighs]
That ain't no missile.
That's a lady.
What a lady.
A peregrine falcon, I believe.
One of New York City's skyscraper-dwelling
- birds of prey. - Ooh, a huntress,
a winged mistress of airless skies.
Enchante, miss...
Kitka. Sorry if I frightened you.
Frightened? Ha!
Madam, I eat fright for breakfast.
With skeleton marshmallows.
I see we are much alike.
I also have a taste for danger.
Served extra crispy?
With a side of mortal jeopardy.
Ooh, then perhaps fate meant for us to dine together.
But how rude of me not to introduce the team.
I'm the Skipper, and these guys are the... others.
- Hello. - Wassup?
So anyway, what does bring you to our zoo, Miss Kitka?
I smacked into a window and hurt my wing.
Just tried to fly it off, but I think it may be broken.
Kowalski, medical exam.
[playful music]
- [yells] - It's broken.
But my nest is at the top
of the Consolidated Amalgamated building in midtown.
How will I get home?
[retching]
I'd suggest the six train to 33rd Street,
- then a quick hop-- - Miss Kitka,
I insist you stay here as my personal guest
- till that wing heals. - Wha?
Why, Skipper, you're as noble as you are handsome.
Guilty on both counts. [laughs]
Skipper, I'm not sure this is the wisest idea.
Really? How so?
Kitka, may I ask what your usual diet consists of?
- Mostly smaller birds... - Ooh!
And sometimes the delicious little furry animals. Why?
♪ All hail King Julien ♪
♪ His name is Julien ♪
♪ It's pronounced-- ♪ [screams]
Predator! Quick, Maurice,
activate the falcon shield.
- Right away, Your Highness. - Whoa!
- What's with Sad Eyes? - Barbecue sauce?
I'm yummy with corn bread.
If you still have room for dessert,
you can eat the stumpy one too.
- He would not mind. - Say, what?
Whoa, there, ringtail. Miss Kitka is my guest.
She's not eating anybody. Tell 'em, dollface.
Really? [sighs] Okay.
For you, Skipper, my sweet, I will resist feeding
on the zoo's delicious... helpless...
perfectly bite-sized-- [licks]
[laughs] I got sampled.
[laughs] She called me her sweet.
♪ Penguin boy wasn't lookin' for love ♪
♪ Falcon girl predator from above ♪
♪ He's into danger Oh, the jobs that he's done ♪
♪ She'd like his neighbors served up hot on a bun ♪
♪ But what's this feeling that's got 'em both reeling ♪
♪ It's stranger than digesting a dove ♪
♪ It'll be a week to remember ♪
♪ As long as no one's dismembered ♪
♪ The greatest danger ♪
♪ Is love ♪
♪ The greatest danger... ♪
♪ Is love! ♪
Why, Miss Kitka,
is that our hollow bone structure,
or are we dancing on air?
Skipper, hasn't Kitka's behavior seemed...
strange to you this week?
Strangely attractive or strangely compelling?
Actually, I believe Private meant "strange" in the
"Oh, sweet mercy, we are all going to be ripped to shreds
and swallowed into a churning cauldron of
digestive juices" sort of way.
[muttering] [gobbling noises]
- [screaming] - [clock ticking]
[grunts]
You boys just haven't gotten to know Miss Kitka like I have.
The lady is a rare flower with razor-sharp talons
and a beak that could punch a hole through battleship steel.
Hi-yah! Pting!
- [bird shrieks] - Huh?
[King Julien yells]
What in the name of Cupid's crossbow?
That's a big bird. A big, big bird.
I saw the bird. The bird was big.
It was a big bird. It was a big bird!
Would you 86 the freaky-deakies?
What happened to ringtail?
What happened? Your girlfriend happened!
I woke up to a falcon swooping off with King Julien
- toward midtown! - Kitka's nest is in midtown!
The Consolidated Amalgamated building.
Yes, but Miss Kitka is recovering
from a broken wing. The lady can't fly.
Skipper? Falcon feathers.
It appears she's made a full recovery.
- [gasps] - Aw! [taps]
I--I guess it's clear what's happened here, boys.
Obviously, some sick puppy has framed Miss Kitka.
To the Consolidated Amalgamated building!
[grunts] Oof!
- Oh, it's locked, Skipper. - Blast!
Looks like we have to reach the top old-school.
Boys, we're going to scale this skyscraper
even if it takes us days to reach the summit.
Actually, I think the doors open
- in half an hour. - No time!
[adventure music]
[wind whistling]
The weather's turned south, Skipper.
I don't know how much more the men can take.
Rico is already showing signs of altitude sickness.
[retching]
Avalanche! all: [gasps]
[vomits]
And there goes the rest of our food supply.
I'm afraid we may have to scuttle
- this mission, Skipper. - Negative.
- The stakes are too high. - I'm with Skipper.
There's no way I'm letting King Julien wind up as falcon food.
That's right; if ringtail goes,
we lose the only witness that can clear
Miss Kitka's good name.
- What? - [bird shrieks]
Help! I am being chased
by a hungry falcon who wants to eat me!
Boy, are we going to laugh
when we hear the explanation for that one.
- Your Majesty! - I just want my blanky.
- Can I please have my blanky? - There. You see?
No sign of Miss Kitka.
I trust you'll all be withdrawing your slanderous
- accusations immediately. - [bird shrieks]
[wind whistling]
- Hey, what do you know? - Oh.
She is all better. Good for her.
I know you've been blinded by love, Skipper.
But you must see now that your lady friend
is a vicious, savage shredding machine
who's trying to...
save us, oh, from another falcon.
Yes, of course. Why else would the Kitka lady
come to my rescue after the boy falcon
swooped and snatched at me? Silly penguin.
- [bird shrieks] - Miss Kitka!
- Oh! Boy, that hurts. - Nice technique.
Was that a Romanian Tangler
I saw in the middle of that dogfight?
It's like you look straight into my violent soul.
Um, Skipper?
[bird shrieks]
Right. You rest easy, my feathered fury.
We'll take it from here. Action time, boys.
[dramatic music plays]
[bird shrieks]
Whee!
I'm a carnival!
[grunts]
It's no good. That falcon is in his element.
Rico, I need to take this fight to the skies.
[vomits]
- Ya! - I can't watch.
Okay, then I will describe it for you
in really boss sound effects.
Check it out. Flang! Scra! Ook!
[bird shrieks]
Flappita, flappita, flappita, framdook--
"I'm a penguin falling! Long way down!"
- [gasps] - No, no, no.
I was just practicing that last one
in case I need it later on.
But I got you, though, didn't i?
[grunts]
You will never sully the name
of Miss Kitka again.
- [wind whistling] - [grunts]
[all gasp]
- Did you hear about Frank? - Huh?
- Ya! - [bird shrieks]
[falcon squawking]
- [all cheering] - We are cheering together!
I could really make a habit out of saving you,
- Miss Kitka. - Peck, peck. Peck.
Trying to kiss, but I got no lips.
Peck, a love peck. No, no, wait.
I'm getting good at this pecking.
Well, I hope you've all learned something
about not judging others.
Miss Kitka is clearly a fine,
non-zoo-animal-eating citizen.
That's right. I only ate one squirrel,
and he wasn't even from the zoo.
Oh, excuse me a sec. [vomits]
It's a nice flight,
but the snacks in there are terrible.
I think we should see other people.
[brassy detective music]