[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[pleasant flute music]
[splashing]
[kids shouting]
Whoo!
Yeah! Ho-ho!
Yay!
Whee!
Huh? Huh?
All right, boys, that's enough for this school group.
Shouldn't we finish the routine?
- [splat] - Always leave 'em
- wanting more. - Oh.
The penguin is native to Antarctica.
Ooh, ooh, did you know a group of penguins is called a rookery?
It's a bird, but it doesn't fly.
Hey, hey, did you know penguins
can swim 15 miles an hour?
Keep an eye on Johnny smart glasses.
The boy knows too much.
Hey, batter-batter-batter. Hey, batter-batter-batter.
Not yet.
I want to know where he gets his intel.
Did you know the only way to tell boy penguins
from girl penguins is a DNA test, huh?
Never mind, boys.
Kid's off his wing nut.
Pshaw, like we need some DNA test
to tell us we're 100% Antarctic macho.
Hoo-ah.
Listen, kid.
All I know is we've got three males and a female.
The birds know which is which.
Um...
[sniffing and snorting]
[spitting sounds]
Loogie hockey.
That's how a real man gives a DNA sample.
Am I right?
That Alice, she doesn't know what she's talking about.
[blows raspberry]
Clearly.
But don't worry.
This DNA analyzer will establish once and for all
our macho manly-man machismo.
[mechanical whirring]
Plus. That's a male result for Rico.
[belches]
[makes farting noises]
Oh!
[mechanical whirring]
Plus.
Private's a male too.
Yay.
I also am a plus, obviously.
And a big old plus sign for me.
Well, that's that.
[dramatic music cue]
[gasping]
What?
You've never seen a plus sign so large and manly?
Ah!
Uh, how about that local sports team?
There, there, Kowalski.
Let me--
- No, stay back. - See my--
- Get out! - Come on!
Minus?
Uh, Skipper,
it appears Alice was right.
We do have one female, and...
it's you.
[suppressed laughter]
Sorry.
No, wrong.
Double wrong.
Wrong infinity.
There's no way I'm a female.
All right, what you are experiencing
are the five stages of grief.
Right now you're in stage one, denial.
I am not.
All I'm saying is, your stupid machine is wrong.
Well, it's based on scientific--
Then science is wrong, and you're wrong.
Everybody's wrong but me.
I demand a different test.
I'm not sure it's going to be as accurate as--
Just do it, man.
Take your time, Skipper.
There's no right or wrong answer.
Ooh, eh, mmm...
ha.
Madame.
Lies.
Yah-ha!
[grunting loudly]
I see we're in stage two, anger.
Thwap! Next, we should see bargaining.
Private, how's about we trade DNA results.
Come on.
Skipper, I don't think that's how it--
- Depression. - My life is over.
It's over.
It's over, over, over.
And finally acceptance.
Well, I guess you got to play the hand you're dealt.
Rico, hit me with a pretty pink bow.
[retches] Ha-ha.
Let's move out, gentlemen.
But you're--
Pshaw, we've moved past that, Kowalski.
This doesn't change a thing about our operation.
Now, come on. We've got full mission schedule.
All right, we'll start with an easy one:
massive simian hair clog
in the chimp habitat drainage system.
Rico, demolition.
[retches]
[fuse hissing]
[explosion]
Yay!
Hurrah!
Yay--mmm, mmm, mmm.
Recover stolen souvenir shop merchandise from sewer rats.
Check.
Now a hasty escape and...
Skipper, what are you doing?
Come on.
Lady, door?
What, is chivalry dead?
[whimpering]
Ah! Ah!
What's the hold-up?
Hang in there, Skipper.
I--I'm sure the zoo must have a ladies room somewhere.
I've just never really paid attention before.
You know, we could just stop and ask for directions.
[tires squeal]
What is happening to me?
Curse you, DNA!
Maurice,
why is that penguin wearing a pretty pink bow
on his head and shouting at the sky spirits?
And also I have a follow-up.
How come I do not have a pretty pink bow?
Okay, I am bored for a new question already,
like where's my smoothie?
It's coming, Your Highness.
It looks like we just got to give the blender
a second to warm up and--
This second is too slow.
Okay, not working.
Let us move to plan H.
Don't you mean plan B?
No, no, plans B through B
are much too ridiculously dangerous.
Plan H is that what goes down
to the under-the-ground electrically power cables
doesn't come out until the smoothie machine works again.
I like plan H.
Whee!
Good, Mort.
Now start pulling things out of other things
and putting them into new things.
I'm sure it will work itself out.
Okay.
[metallic straining sounds]
- [electrical zapping] - Ah!
Oh!
In light of--
[clears throats]
Events,
I feel I can no longer serve in this unit.
- Uh, well, I don't-- - No--
no--
Yes, actually.
- Yeah. - Probably so.
Yeah.
But, Skipper, where will you go?
On an epic quest, old friend.
I'm walking out of here a confused, naive little girl.
And I'm not coming back till I've learned to be a real woman.
So I'm thinking we start with the basic princess theory,
then on to the fine art of eyelash batting.
I'm sorry. You're a girl?
Open your mind, sister.
I'm here for help.
At being a girl,
which I guess you are?
Exactly.
And I need you to teach me all the girly stuff,
you know, like, makeovers and poodle skirts.
Wait, whoa, whoa, wha-heh-heh.
That's your idea of girl stuff?
What, it's more about lip gloss these days?
Big problemo, sister.
I've got no lips.
Skipper, if you're a girl, then girl stuff is,
well, whatever you like doing.
If you're into the commando thing,
being a girl doesn't change that.
Course not.
Just means now I'm no good at it.
Now, pass me some chiffon, doll face.
I got a hankering to sew me some curtains.
[grumbles]
[loud crashing and shouting]
Um, shouldn't you be looking into that?
Land sakes, no.
That sounded dangerous.
How about we stay here and gossip about boys?
[grumbles]
Hey, that's no way to treat a lady.
[screaming]
Save the king.
The others are optional.
Oh, sparkly.
Ah!
Those are live electrical wires.
5,000 volts of sheer Mortal danger.
Heh. Heh. Heh. Huh.
Just hang on, Your Majesty.
Oh, now how is that even possible?
Those lemurs are in trouble,
and there's no one else here to save them.
So what are you gonna do about it, girlfriend?
[electrical zapping]
I--I should, but--
girl--can't--
It's all right, ladies.
We've got this one.
Oh, well, if the boys are already taking care of it,
come on, sister, let's make pink lemonade.
They'll be thirsty after a good rescue.
[smacking lips] Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
But, wait.
What if Marlene's angry face is right?
Those lemurs need an organized rescue team.
And the team needs a Skipper.
Maybe, just maybe...
[shouting]
Don't worry, gals.
[electrical zapping]
Everything's still under control.
Ah!
Friends, trouble, danger growing.
Commando mojo returning.
My butt, frying.
[electrical zapping]
Come on, Skipper, you can still do this.
It's time to show those guys what girls are really made of.
Pretty pink bow.
Huh?
[electrical zapping]
Hi-ya!
all: wow.
Hmm. Ha. Ho.
Hi. Hmm.
Ha.
Thwack!
There's something different about that one.
Ah!
[thwack]
Ah!
Whoa.
That--that was--
100% girl awesome.
Whoo!
You know what?
It really was.
Up high, sister.
Hey!
Uh, Skipper,
we don't quite know how to say this,
but, well, even as a female,
you're still the macho-est manly man I know.
Yeah.
I'd be honored to take orders from a girl.
The honor's all mine, boys.
Okay, very touching.
But none of this fixes my smoothie maker.
[grunts]
Hey.
Why are you so powerless?
Powerless, huh?
Something must have overloaded the circuit.
But what could have drawn so much electricity that--
of course.
A blown fuse.
Well, let's just swap that out and, uh...
[mechanical whirring]
Ah-ha, just as I suspected.
The DNA analyzer was the power hog.
Ah, I knew I shouldn't have included
the optional beak shiner.
[grunting]
Ooh, la, la.
Skipper, look.
The female minus was really an unfinished male plus.
Oh, violence and mayhem.
I'm a real boy after all.
- Yes! - Well done!
That-a-boy, Skipper!
All right, all right.
Thank you.
But I'd like to think we've all learned
a valuable lesson today.
Boy, girl,
all that really matters is...
how well you use a pink bow whip in a crisis situation.
Ooh, wait, see, I don't think that was really the lesson.
I--
[grumbles]
But could Alice have been so wrong
about there being a girl penguin?
Ah, she's a mammal.
Everyone knows they're all morons.
What?
We'll work on that one tomorrow.
[rhythmic orchestral music]
[humming]
Hey, ah.
[splat]
[grumbles]
Phil.
[spray can hissing]
[chomp]
Phil.
Oh, lovely.
[splattering sounds]
Huh?
Phil!
Ah, Private, so good of you to join me for tea.
One lump or two?
One, please.
Ow.
Yo.
Little help.
Here you go, fellows.
From downtown.
I call the little bird for our team.
Nah, nah, no.
We get the little bird.
You can have sir teatime fancy pants.
First of all, I do not wear pants,
fancy or otherwise.
Second of all, I am not interested
in playing your idiotic game.
Third of all,
how could you not want me on your team?
Probably because he figures you stink.
Oh, I'm not the one who stinks.
I suggest you point your nose
in the direction of the simian who roots through trash
and wallows in filth all day long.
That, sir, is who stinks!
I think he's talking about you.
I am talking about Phil!
[sniffs]
Uh, Mason, perhaps you need a moment.
Yes.
Perhaps I do.
[splat]
Ah!
Ooh, that does it!
Phil, I refuse to clean up after you from hence forth.
Hey--ah.
[grunts]
Hi-ya!
[screaming maniacally]
[clapping]
[fast chomping]
Mmm, something feels off.
Kowalski, analysis.
Skipper, if my calculations are correct,
we have a guest.
Oh, you really should sanitize your work surface.
Private, shields up.
What in pealed potatoes is going on?
Mason kind of wigged out a little.
Wigged out? How?
[spray can hisses]
Huh?
[blech]
Stuff happens.
So why is he here?
Well, Phil's a bit of a Slobby Bobby,
and it's getting to Mason, if you know what I mean?
Hmm, so you think the chimp has been pushed
from ordinary neatnik to compulsive cuckoo bird.
Yes, that's it.
Perhaps a short stay here
would be just the break he needs.
Wow, that's exactly what I was thinking.
Shields down.
I heard every word of that.
Can you hear me now?
Clear as crystal.
Really?
How about now?
Yes.
- How about now? - Yes.
Like a bell.
Well, you're in luck, simian neighbor.
You're catching us on cleaning day.
Did you say cleaning day?
[laughs maniacally]
Please, leave this to the pros.
For your own safety, step back.
Preparing to launch operation squeaky clean.
Launch.
[scraping]
[spray can hissing]
[scraping]
[spray can hissing]
[clattering]
[upbeat disco music]
Private.
Sorry.
[giggles]
[tinkling sounds]
Ta-da.
How could I have not known that paradise
was but a habitat away?
So that must have been a pleasant change of pace,
eh, Mason?
You got to just kick back and relax
and leave the cleaning to us.
Wonderful.
May we surmise that you are now rested and ready--
To move in here? Brilliant.
Uh, I was going to say,
"to move back to your own habitat."
This is terrible. Mason and Phil are best friends.
They belong together.
Gentlemen, Mason is a clean freak
and Phil is a disgusting slob.
They're yin and yang.
Maybe we need to just get them back together,
and then they'll realize how much they need each other.
Hmm, sounds like a plan.
- Plan. - Get on that, Private.
Me?
Hey, you're the one he followed home.
Oh, roger that, Skipper.
At least talk to him.
Fine.
But I really don't see the point.
Yes, hello to you as well, Phil.
I, uh, believe an apology is in order.
Wha-what-what do you mean I don't have to apologize?
For being bossy?
You are the one who should be apologizing
for your infinitely inconsiderate--
splat!
Hey, that is exactly what I'm talking about!
Good day, sir.
Oh, dear.
I think a wonderful way to begin
would be to say something positive.
I am positive that Phil is disgusting,
inconsiderate, and selfish.
What did he say?
No idea.
Go pound bananas?
Oh.
Tell it like it is, primate.
You go!
Let's try some role playing.
Pretend I am Phil.
Well, it's a bit of a reach, but very well.
Now pretend I've just made a mess.
Oh, Phil, another mess,
which I must clean up now.
No, no.
That is all wrong.
Whoa.
Oh, oh, I sure do like a tire swing.
Ooh.
It's uncanny.
I know.
Ooh, do me. Do me.
Okay, okay.
Oh, oh, I sure do like stinky fish.
Ooh.
None of this is helping.
Skipper, let me assure you
that will be a valuable addition to your team.
You've got commando skills?
Better. I have cleaning skills.
Well, you're wasting your time here.
We run a sanitary operation.
[splat]
Oh, at last.
[squeaking]
Like I said.
Righto.
[chomping]
Oh-oh. Hee-hee.
[laughs]
Shunk!
[teeth chattering]
[tinkling sound]
Can't clean if there's not a mess.
Can't do it.
It's nothing.
I'm fine.
Good heavens.
Do you see that?
No, nobody move.
I've got it.
I'd have sworn there was nothing there
when we passed.
We don't even eat bananas.
All right, all right, everyone get back.
Come now, move along. Show's over.
Another suspicious mess?
I'm afraid so, Skipper.
Worse this time.
Peanut shells.
Peanuts?
Don't look at me.
I've been here all day.
What kind of sick mind would leave messes like this
over and over?
I've worked up a profile of our perp.
I know that face.
Good evening.
Oh, dear, another mess. Shall I get it?
- Excuse me. - Not yet.
No, really, I can do it.
Somewhere in this mess our perp left a calling card.
Might as well have signed his name.
Fine.
Mason, why?
Oh, you wouldn't understand.
Nobody understands.
You can't bear not having someone to clean up after.
So you made messes for yourself.
Oh, I stand corrected.
You understand completely.
You've got a real sickness, chimpo.
[metallic knocking]
What?
There's a party at Phil's.
Wanted me to spread the word.
Did someone say party?
Yeah, baby, I'm ready to...
[belches]
Hey, hey, hey.
[splattering and grunting]
Blah.
[grunting]
Eh, this is a little, eh, lowbrow for the king, you know?
[grunting]
They're behaving like animals.
Splat!
Private, please.
They're behaving like mammals.
Let's not lump birds and reptiles in with this crowd.
[babbling incoherently]
Yahoo!
Party!
[rumbling]
[gasping]
[rumbling]
[shouting]
[rumbling]
[groaning]
Operation reduce, reuse, recycle.
[shouting]
[apes groaning]
[sighs]
Where's Phil?
Phil?
What?
Fear not.
Filth will not win this day.
[grunting]
[straining sounds]
Quite welcome, old friend.
Now if you'll excuse me...
[retches]
It's cleaning time.
Hey-hey-ho-whoa-ah!
[clattering]
[clank]
Ooh!
One or lump or two?
One, please.
Thank you, Phil.
He's really turned into quite the gentleman.
[quiet splashing]
More or less.
[brassy detective music]