[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[triumphant music]
[siren wailing]
Skipper, we're picking up an outgoing airborne target.
It's on a north-by-southwest heading.
Air speed: 2 1/2 knots.
Altitude is four meters and climbing fast.
Five meters, six meters--
Private, you know I feel about the metric system.
We go with feet and inches.
Identifying target now.
It looks like we have
another runaway red on our hands, Skipper.
Why is it always the red ones?
My balloon!
[crying]
On my mark.
Now.
Huh?
Yeah!
Gentlemen, today's operation was a success.
[all cheering]
However, I have to ask...
are we ready for the Big One?
The Big One?
El grande enchilada.
Yum!
Not the eating kind of enchilada.
The in-your-face, knock-you- on-your-posterior
kind of enchilada.
So it's not actually food?
Kowalski, we don't know what it actually is.
Then how can we know if we're ready for it?
Well, that's what today is all about.
The Big One's today?
Affirmative. The Big One is coming today.
[dramatic musical flourish]
Around four-ish.
Fortunately, I have spent months preparing
for the Big One.
And when my plan was complete, I knew what I had to do.
The plan was secured in a lock box.
And under the cover of darkness,
I chose a top-secret location
at which I buried the top-secret plan,
a remote area of the zoo...
where no human or animal ever goes.
Until, of course,
they complete construction of the new children's zoo.
- What? - That's where
the children's zoo is going to be.
- Groundbreaking is today. - Blast!
We only have four hours until the Big One.
- We need those plans. - Perhaps a diversion.
Ooh, it's Live at Five's Chuck Charles,
from the telly.
We're here live at the Central Park Zoo
for the groundbreaking of the new children's zoo.
There's our diversion.
I'm going in.
Do you think Skipper needs backup?
- Our Skipper? - Pfft!
- Skipper? - Awaiting orders.
- Oh, boy. - We must get him out of there.
What should we do?
Commence operation...
get Skipper out of the locked van?
The name needs work, but let's do it.
Ooh!
What was that?
You were supposed to catch me!
No, we were supposed to pick the lock.
Boom. Boom, boom!
[whirring noise]
[beeping]
[groans]
Skipper!
Okay, who hid my hair spritz?
Hey, what happened in here?
- You all right, Skipper? - Get out of my shot.
This is Chuck Charles with your late-breaking local news.
Is--is he talking to the wall?
Something horrible happened inside that news van.
I wonder...
Theoretically, it's possible
that the electrical receptors inside Skipper's brain
picked up the signals from that van
and reprogrammed his functional sensors
to mimic the patterns of behavior
- shown on the broadcasts. - You mean--
Yes, I think we can safely say
that Skipper is stricken with anchormanesia.
I'm Chuck Charles, and we're your Live at Five News team:
Gil Force with weather,
Scooter Alvarez on sports,
and, as always, my co-anchor, Bonnie Chang.
Bonnie Chang?
But the Big One is coming.
We still need those plans.
And even if we get the plans,
we still need Skipper to be Skipper.
All right.
I will randomly combine liquids and powders
until I find a cure.
This could take a while.
I'm with the Live at Five News team here on the scene.
You are a penguin.
How's that weekend forecast, Gil?
I'm Private. Look, I waddle.
And you waddle too, because you're--
Chuck Charles, and I know the news.
Look.
[splashes]
Penguins swim.
Well, Gil, looks like another wet...
[gurgling]
And that's the news.
[sighs]
Status report?
Still Chuck Charles.
And the anchormanesia cure is a bit behind schedule.
[bells tolling]
We only have one hour.
Yeah, I need at least 7,000...
years.
[panicked babbling]
Don't worry, Rico. Skipper's... gone?
Here's your Live at Five exclusive interview with...
King Julien.
Yes, but you can call me King Julien.
Do you have any comment about the rumors?
Uh, what rumors?
Oh, don't play coy. We all know what they're saying
about your royal family.
Lies. All lies!
This interview is over.
And we're out.
Fantastic interview.
Well, thank you.
Care for some fruit?
It is tasty and nice.
Except maybe the grapes; I'm not 100% on those.
Could your grapes be poisoning you?
Find out at 5:00.
And we're... out.
Ooh, news I can use.
Let's not be running off.
Chuck Charles has...
The technical term for our situation is "Doneski."
Bonnie, are you doing something different
with your hair? I like it.
Skipper would want us to go get those plans.
But how can we do that when Skipper--
Now over to Scooter Alvarez
with the highlights and the lowlights.
I am not Scooter Alvarez!
I don't even know what a Scooter Alvarez is.
Okay, we're just going to have to--
to do it without him.
- But-- - I know.
But what choice do we have?
Skipper would want us to carry on without him.
Keep an eye on Scooter; he's not quite himself today.
Uh, no, I'm here with those scores,
or my name's not Scooter Alvarado.
- Alvarez. - Exactly.
Okay.
Uh, we're going to go out for a while, Chuck.
So you just stay here in the... studio.
According to the map, we should be digging...
over there.
With all this construction, there are too many witnesses.
Must think.
What would Skipper do?
Precariously perch himself high atop the crane?
I don't see how that would help.
Oh, it won't, but that is what Skipper's doing.
This is your Live at Five eye in the sky.
He is not making this easy.
Easy?
Was it easy for Manfredi and Johnson
when that undersea escape tunnel turned out to be
the business end of a beluga whale?
They couldn't even speak for a month.
And even then, it was gibberish.
So if this is going to be hard, that's fine with me.
Yeah.
Let's do this thing...
and all other things required of us.
Hiyah!
Can you describe to the folks at home
how you're feeling right now?
[groans]
You heard it here first.
This is Chuck Charles reporting.
Do I connect the red one to the blue one
or the blue one to the red one?
I don't know.
That's the sort of thing Skipper would normally decide.
Now, be honest with me.
Do you like my good side
or my even better side?
But there isn't anything normal about this.
Perhaps if I bypass the--
- [electricity crackling] - Whoa!
Stop!
I see the plans.
Come on; we have to hurry.
Got it.
Yes.
Yes! What did we do?
How should I know who moved the dozer?
Our top story: Chuck Charles and the news team
get buried alive.
Well, at least we saved the top-secret plans.
Although it might have been preferable
not to be buried alive with them.
[muttering]
Yes, Rico, it is just about four-ish.
Then we'd better check out Skipper's top-secret plan.
What?
[click]
[Skipper on recording] Is the team ready
for the Big One? We shall see.
- Afraid not. - But what is it?
Some sort of natural disaster?
You might think it might be some sort of natural disaster,
but you'd be wrong.
No, the Big One is the greatest challenge of all.
What happens if one member of the team is out?
What if we didn't have young Private's heart
or Kowalski's brains
or Rico's appetite for reckless destruction?
I don't know.
Oh, I suppose that would be bad.
Or what if the team leader were inexplicably acting
like a pompous anchorman?
What if, indeed?
Yes, what if--ooh!
Hang on.
- You were faking it. - Bingo.
It was all a test?
And the team came through.
Huzzah!
We're ready for the Big One.
Yes, we are.
We are also running out of oxygen.
Kowalski, give me options.
Rico sets an explosive charge under this,
blasting it straight up through the dirt and rock.
And we all hang onto it.
Ooh, sounds like a wild ride.
Rico?
I don't get how a bulldozer just turns on by itself.
Yahoo!
We did it!
We kicked Big One butt.
And we're out.
[mysterious music]
Maurice, this smoothie is the yuck.
Make me a better one.
You got it, Your Majesty.
[grumbling] I'll make you a better one.
[laughs]
Mmm!
Now, that is a smoothie I can call groovy.
That's cause of the secret ingredients.
It's the same smoothie, just grosser.
Gotcha, Maurice.
I just don't feel right about this.
Shh!
♪ Made a mistake when you messed with me ♪
♪ Should have known better and let it be ♪
♪ Making dumb choices is one of your flaws ♪
♪ So look out, baby, here come the claws ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Here come the claws ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Here come the claws ♪
[boing]
Embarrassing, Marlene.
Quite embarrassing.
I still don't feel right--
Shh!
[snoring]
Wha?
Okay, Mr. Bunny.
Time to make night-night.
[mutters]
Bingie likes his bunny, hey?
Interesting.
- I just don't-- - Shhhhh! Shh!
Gentlemen, Operation Sneaky Peek is a success.
We now have sensitive intel on every animal in the zoo.
But, Skipper, aren't the animals our friends?
Young Private, a friend is just an enemy
who hasn't attacked yet.
That's not very friendly thinking.
I know. Why are they attacking us?
This collection of sordid secrets guarantees
that we'll have the upper flipper when they do.
Still, holding these secrets is an awesome responsibility.
If any were to leak, it'd be chaos.
That's why I'm classifying Operation Sneaky Peek
tip-top tippy-top top-top secret.
Ooh!
Whoa.
That's even more secrety
than your delicious monkfish surprise recipe.
Exactly, so if anyone asks,
you didn't see anything.
[knocking at door]
Uh, Skipper?
One and two and three and four and--
Private, put a little hustle in your muscle.
Sorry, Skipper.
Didn't sleep well last night.
I kept thinking about Operation Sneaky--
Private, those words must never be spoken aloud.
- Sorry. - Tell you what;
skip the calisthenics, and go get yourself some chow.
Aye, aye, Skipper.
Tenderhearted tenderfoot.
Kowalski, make a note to wring that tenderness
- right out of him. - Aye, Skipper.
[sighs]
Needs a little something.
Hot sauce! Perfect.
That ought to give these sardines a little kick.
Mmm, not bad.
Good workout, men.
Tesla's coil!
- Oh! [burps] - Please tell me
you didn't consume the contents of this bottle.
I did. The hot sauce was very tasty.
This wasn't hot sauce.
It was truth serum.
You put truth serum in a hot sauce bottle?
Of course.
Hot sauce is truth serum, grape jelly is sleeping gas,
and ketchup is amnesia mist.
Where was I?
- And what's mustard? - Well, it's a tangy condiment
you put on your hot dog.
Mmm, sounds delicious.
Point is, for the next few hours,
Private will be unable to do anything but tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Observe: Private, do you honestly like
Skipper's monkfish surprise?
No, it tastes like elephant sweat,
but everyone pretends to like it to spare Skipper's fragile ego.
My whole life is a lie.
So we've established the effectiveness
of the truth serum.
Okay, okay. This won't be a problem.
I mean, it's not like we have anything to hide, right?
[clears throat]
Oh, yeah.
Help!
A desperate cry for help.
Roll out, men.
Private, mum's the word.
Okay, Skipper.
I don't know how he got in there,
but if we don't get him out soon, he'll be buried alive.
Help!
Yum.
I am trapped!
Ladder formation on three.
Uno, dos, three.
[laughs]
I'm buttery!
[all cheering]
Yay!
Oh, thank you, penguins.
I was really getting worried about the poppity corn.
Sure, happy to help.
Now, if you'll excuse us.
Why the rush?
Stay. Celebrate.
No can do. Big fish to fry.
Come on.
What, are you actually afraid you're going to have some fun?
No, Marlene.
Skipper's afraid I'll tell everyone
your embarrassing secret.
Secret? What secret?
That you fancy yourself a pop superstar
and perform imaginary concerts every night.
How do you guys know about that?
Have you been spying on me?
Muffle the blabbermouth.
No, Marlene.
We haven't been spying on you.
We've been spying on everyone!
We know all your secrets.
Bing sucks his thumb.
Phil cheats at chess.
The spider monkeys aren't even half spider.
Ooh, these are very embarrassing secrets
- we are hearing. - Julien picks his nose.
Ah!
My secret gold-digging shame exposed.
Get him!
Mason is really Canadian.
Burt has a--
Oh, no, you don't.
I don't want anybody knowing about that tattoo.
I was young, foolish, and in--
hey!
Look, tell anybody about my Tijuana "vacation,"
and I swear, buddy boy, I'll stomp you into paste.
Kowalski, secure the Private.
Aye, Skipper.
Here he is.
And there he goes.
Spill to me the most juiciest of the gossips.
Mort loves you just for your feet.
[sobbing] It's true!
Oh, it's so true.
Well, duh.
Come on; more with the spilling.
And Maurice secretly--
Okay, thanks for coming. Bye.
What was he going to say, Maurice?
That secretly I, uh...
think you're the greatest king that ever lived.
Pfft!
Maurice, that is no secret.
Rico, about-face.
Okay, so all I wanna know is, do you know about the--
- Yes. - And how I like to--
- Yes. - With the--
- Yes. - You know what?
Not cool, guys. No, not cool at all.
Friends don't spy on friends.
I am so embarrassed.
If you think that's embarrassing,
you should see what Kowalski does
when he thinks no one's watching.
Rico, floor it.
[tires squealing]
[crash]
Not in reverse.
Well, should be smooth sailing from here.
Whoa!
Bail out, men.
[all grumbling]
Kowalski, status on the angry mob.
Mob's still there.
Mob's still angry.
Hello. What's all this, then?
Private.
Welcome back from La-La Land.
Um, thanks. Was I gone?
Yep, and you accidentally spilled the beans
on Operation Sneaky Peek.
Oh, yes, I remember.
- Sorry, Skipper. - Not to worry, Private.
We'll just stay safely locked up in here
until this whole thing has--
You penguins are going to pay for violating
our inalienable rights of privacy and whatnot.
Ooh, what am I supposed to do now?
What's this?
Amnesia spray! Fantastic.
What's this?
Amnesia spray! Fantastic.
What's this?
The amnesia spray! Fantas... tic.
Hey, should I sit on them individually,
or do I go for the group squish?
Why drag it out?
I say one and done.
Kowalski, options.
Get fresh air while you can.
Okay, here we go.
I'm dropping booty.
[all screaming]
Hey, what's that? Hear something?
- Forget! - I hear it too.
Forget, everybody!
Forget!
What...
am I doing?
I'm feeling a little discombobulated here.
Ooh, I'm kinda dizzy myself.
I'm gonna sit down right here.
[muffled yelling]
What have we done to deserve this?
Watch wear you park that thing, pachyderm.
Sorry.
Didn't see you there.
What are we doing here?
- I don't know. - I can't remember.
I remember.
It is a party, a party for me--
a me-esta, if you will.
A you-esta. Ole!
Now, where are my gifts?
Present me with the presents already.
[sighs happily]
You know, it's weird.
I can't remember a thing from the last week.
Eh, if it was worth remembering, we'd remember it.
Rico, might I have a stick of TNT?
Yup.
Thanks.
[explosion]
Private, what was that?
Nothing, Skipper.
Just my little secret.
[brassy detective music]