[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - Yeah!
♪ Oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[soft rock music]
♪ ♪
Yes! Closing time. Let's go!
Come on, move it or lose it! Whoops, lost it.
Ahh, closing time.
Are there two sweeter words known to man or beast?
- Puppy love? - Ka... boom?
Plutonium-fueled- DNA-mutating-
nature-abominating monstermaker.
Uh...
The first word was hyphenated.
Yeah, great, all good, but I'm sticking with...
- My dolly! - [snickers]
- Skipper? - That wasn't me. It was--
I lost my dolly. Help!
Hot molded plastic! Dolly down!
Rescue operation is go, go, go!
[squeaks]
Ooh!
Target acquired.
[all gasp]
[faint splash]
[gasps] My dolly!
Kowalski, strike this one from the Skipper's log.
[buzzing]
[sniffling] And her name is Princess Pony-Princess,
and her favorite food is sparkle glitter.
[crying]
"Glit-ter." Great!
And we are gonna do all we can
to bring princess home from the sewer, mm-kay?
Come on, sweetheart.
[grumbles] Lost toy file, and...
well, I've done all I can do.
No little girl will shed a tear on my watch.
Well, the chimps can crack the girl's address,
but that dolly could be anywhere in the 6,000 miles
of the New York City sewer system.
So we'll have to split up.
Let's see, that's...
1,500 miles of sewer each, wow!
Mm, that is a lot of sewer.
What about a replacement dolly?
We'd need an exact duplicate, and where would we even find--
[humming soft-rock love ballad]
♪ ♪
What?
Perfect match! All we need is a dress.
- I'll get my sewing kit. - I'll get the glitter glue.
Hock!
[muttered warnings]
Whoa, hey! It's your call, compadre.
Just try not to think about that weepy little miss
with an empty place in her heart
where her dolly used to live.
Hmm...
[dramatic music]
Way to go, Rico.
Ooh! [groans]
Hork! [coins clink]
[brassy detective music]
[weeps softly]
It'll be okay, Rico.
It's like my gran always told me:
you do a good deed, and good comes back to you.
[whines softly]
[knocks on door]
Hello? Who's--
[gasp] Princess Pony-Princess!
Mom, Mom, she came back! Mom!
all: Aww.
- [groans sadly] - Remember, Rico,
good things always come back around.
Yo, Sally. You seein' this?
Hey, what's the number for animal control?
Any warm fuzzy feelings yet?
[straining grunts]
[coughs] Uh-uh.
Well, the universe does still owe you one.
I'm sure any minute now...
Whoa!
- Sardines! - Ooh, econo-sized!
Fish!
See? Good things do come around.
[laughing happily]
Huh? Uh-oh.
What in the name of pickled schnauzers?
[harp glissando]
She is beautiful.
[engine revving]
[angelic music]
♪ ♪
Kowalski!
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
Got a call on a 415-P:
disturbance: penguins involved.
Now, how'd I know it'd be you punks?
- It's Officer X! - [gasps]
The deranged animal control supercop!
You birds are a long way from the zoo.
That's awfully unsafe, considering what time it is.
Mm-mm-mm. 7:30, maybe?
Payback time. [chuckles]
Ah, payback. That--that makes much more--
all: Argh!
[relieved sighs]
Whoa!
Zoo's not good enough, huh?
Well, guess what?
Out here, you're stray animals,
and that makes you mine.
- Kaboom? - Now more than ever.
[crazed laughter] Hock, hock!
You think you can play me? You're penguins.
You don't even have brains enough to fly!
No, but we sure know how to fall.
- Wheeee! - No!
[all yelp]
[complaining babble]
Yes, I know what I said about giving up your dolly.
[complaining babble]
Okay, Officer X was a nasty surprise.
[complaining babble]
And yes, the fall was a bit rough on the bum.
[complaining babble]
But we got away from him.
I mean, that's a good thing, right?
Not yet. You heard the man.
As long as we're outside the zoo,
we're considered stray animals.
[sighs] I've never felt so filthy.
We're still seven blocks from home,
but at least we've got a solid head start on--
[car reverses]
Kowalski, analysis on that glow!
It appears Officer X's van
has laser-drilling capabilities.
So we should move then?
Oh, most definitely.
[all yelp]
Kowalski, give me an exit strategy.
Up ahead, topside tunnel.
[tires screech]
We should be safe up here, Skipper.
There's no way he'll fit through--
[engine revving]
So wild, so free...
yet I know I could tame her!
We'll never make it home with that steel psycho-mobile
on our tails.
Boys, we're taking that van out.
[gasps] No, you're right.
[sobbing] The van must go.
I--I need a minute!
Giving up, huh?
That's why penguins are from Antarctica--
can't take the heat.
- [engine revs] - Hock!
[bullfight music]
[van whirring]
Swing team, deploy!
♪ ♪
[van crashes]
Olé.
You see that, Rico?
The way you dodged that lunatic?
- The universe-- - Ahh!
You all right, amigo?
[groans]
Perhaps the universe blinked.
I loved... that van!
Yes, we all loved the van.
You think you're the only one hurting?
Let it go, Kowalski.
Come on, we'll lose him in the park!
[dazed groaning]
I'll never leave the zoo again!
- Except maybe for snow cones-- - [growls]
[all yelp]
Delinquent penguins!
In the name of the metropolitan sub-bureau
of animal control and pretzel cart regulation,
you shall not pass!
Kowalski, tell me you've got a really sweet option.
Frontal approach cutoff.
I suggest a brown river sneak-around.
Really? Interesting choice.
On me... go!
Huh?
Keep it moving, boys.
That maniac can't be too far behind us.
Sweet Dixie Dreidels!
How much are they paying this guy?
There's no escaping justice, punks.
Like mother always said:
whatever you do, it always comes back around.
[bitterly scoffs]
Skipper, those pipes--
I believe they're sewage feed lines!
And they're pointed right at Officer X!
Well, that's a lucky break.
Uh-huh. [happy babble]
You're right, Rico. It is the universe.
Go for it!
Eat sewage, chump.
H-h-hock!
[laughs] Got ya!
"X" to the doghouse.
Prep a cage for four outlaw birdies.
I--I don't believe it.
Curse you, universe!
[depressed groan] [whistling]
Private, knock off the whistling.
We're trying to curse the universe.
It's not me, Skipper. It's--
[high-pitched whistling]
Skipper, it's that sewer line!
Something's blocking it.
Oh, Mama, it's gonna blow!
Oh, my.
[grunts in slow-motion]
[groans]
[liquid gurgling]
That ain't gonna come out at the cleaners.
Rico, that was it! Your payback! I knew it!
The universe was just waiting for the right moment.
Correction, Private:
it was waiting for the right girl.
The lost dolly-- it was blocking the pipe!
Rico, I believe this pretty lady is now yours--
[happy cooing]
It was the penguins, I tell ya. The penguins!
The crazed officer was arrested
after a vandalism spree
over several city blocks last night.
You see, Private?
Once you let the universe know who's boss,
things just work out.
[humming soft-rock love ballad]
♪ ♪
[adventurous orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[making silly stretching noises]
Maurice, I am ready to shake my maker of money.
Hit it!
There is nothing to hit.
[gasps] My boomy box! Where is it?
[munches loudly]
Mmm, shrub.
Good eats.
[gasps] My eats!
Hey, yo, Bing, isn't there usually a tire swing on there
or somethin'?
[disgruntled murmuring]
Please! One at a time.
Someone swiped my bale of hay!
And someone nicked our entire collection
of Italian opera CDs.
And someone took my one-of-a-kind beach ball!
Yeah, it was, um-- it was white and blue and red,
and, yeah, it had this little valve-y thing on it...
Mine was special! One of a kind.
So, Mr. Penguins,
when are you going to be dispensing the red-hot justice?
There is something odder about the otter.
Yeah, I'm right here, 'kay?
Let's not rush to judgment.
My team will conduct a careful and thorough investigation.
Then, when all the facts are in--
[upset babbling]
Someone stole our TV?
Then we're gonna nail this thief to the wall!
Ha-ha.
Ooh-la-la!
Your sick wave of crime ends here.
[French accent] Yes, it would appear that way.
But when it comes to the archer,
appearances can be deceiving!
He--he's amazing.
Stow that gush, Private.
A thousand pardons, messieurs.
End of the line, nocturnal mammal.
Hey! Ah!
- Wow. - Remind me to add that move
to our roster.
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
- [thud] - Owie.
We can do the easy way,
or we can do this--
Squawk!
Ah, have the decency to let me finish!
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
[weapons clanging]
Wow, you are a worthy adversary, monsieur,
but now, I must bid you adieu!
Hiyah! You can keep your dew.
You're not going anywhere.
Admit it, raccoon,
you're the thief who's been taking our stuff!
Ah, oui. This, I admit.
That was easy.
But don't you want to know why I did it?
Uh, sure.
Why not? I guess.
You zoo animals have everything you need.
But beyond these walls, life is much harder.
There are no climate-controlled habitats,
no feeding times,
no bouncy balls from the beach!
Oh, dear.
I, the archer,
have taken it upon myself to right this wrong.
By stealing our material goods?
I give to those who have nothing:
possum families with nowhere to live,
old pigeons who can no longer fly,
orphan baby chipmunks with no one to feed them.
[sobs dramatically]
Orphan... baby... chipmunks?
[cries]
So you help others?
Yes. Maybe it is a crime, but I ask you,
which is the greater injustice?
[sniffles]
Skipper, the archer's not a dastardly villain.
He's a rakish, swashbuckling hero,
and we've got to help him!
Agreed, commence Operation Helping Hand.
What? Oh, peanuts for the less fortunate? Sure!
Ow, ow, ooh! Yow!
Oh, yes, yes, please take some bananas
for those poor, unfortunate souls.
And mangoes too!
Oh, there must be something more we can do.
Fleas! Capital idea, Phil!
They have less than me?
And I'm barely scraping by!
Maurice, give to this penguin all of Mort's food.
And Mort too!
I'm ever so lightly used!
The archer, please accept these gifts
on behalf of the animals of the zoo.
Skipper, you have done me a--
how do you say--a solid!
I do not how to thank you.
Mwah, mwah!
Next time, a hearty handshake will be just dandy.
Farewell, my friends.
Farewell!
Wow.
Just, you know, wow.
I mean, the archer's a genuine role model,
someone a young person like me can look up to.
- A real hero! - Now, Private,
it's not like you don't have other heroes in your life.
True, but Kowalski doesn't have the archer's panache.
[wails]
It does hurt!
- Intriguing. - [weakly] Uh-huh.
Still, the archer,
he does so much for those who need it.
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
Private? What are you--
[sighs adoringly]
Your butterscotch lolly?
I'm going to give this lolly to... the archer.
[gasps] You're mad!
- Your what? - [wailing]
Easy, Private.
Let's not do anything we'll regret here.
You've been saving that lolly for a special occasion.
Yes. How I've dreamed of its rich butterscotchy-ness.
[sighs with delight]
But the archer risks his life for those less fortunate.
This is the least I can do.
You've got a good heart, Private.
Let's go find your hero.
Great!
Do you smell bacon?
- [wailing] - Rico!
Excuse me.
We're looking for the archer,
the hero of Central Park!
He steals from the zoo and gives to the zoo-less!
And then, he fires an arrow in the air
and swings away to his next adventure!
- We've got a zoo? - Well, yes.
- That's where we're from. - Or did you believe penguins
are indigenous to the New York area?
- I don't know. Are they? - No.
- Then how'd you get here? - We're from the zoo.
Yeah, I just heard we got one of those.
I wonder if they got gibbons there?
- I always wanted to meet a-- - We're looking for a raccoon.
The zoo's got raccoons?
- No! - That's a shame.
We're wasting our time here.
Of course, if you wanted to see a raccoon,
you could always go see Archie.
- Archie? - Yeah, Archie.
That guy's a lousy, backstabbing cheat!
He's my best friend.
What do you think you're doin', huh?
You stinkin', no-good...
Someone's in there with the archer.
And he doesn't sound friendly.
Come on, is that your best shot?
Oh-ho, you are so going down!
Get ready, men. We're going in.
[bell dings]
[punches landing]
[mocking laugh] Oh, you are pathetic.
I could beat you with my eyes...
[bell dings] Closed.
- [titters] - Hey, Archie.
Did you know we have a zoo?
[French accent] Ho-ho!
Skipper, mon ami, I--I--
Don't "mon ami" me!
You took advantage of our good nature.
And the generosity of all the zoo animals.
[growls]
[New York accent] Hey, whoa, guys, come on.
A fella's gotta make a living, right?
- Right? - [gasps]
Even your charming French accent was a lie.
- How could you? - Uh, yeah, about that.
Well, you see, I--
Look out! Leopard seal!
- Hit the deck! - [shrieks]
Blast! He duped us!
And we fell for it
like a bunch of first-year hatchlings.
Popcorn!
- [breathing heavily] - He's getting away!
Oh, no, he isn't!
Omph! Ow!
Okay. All right, okay.
Look, before you beat me silly, let me ask ya--
- [gasps] Leopard seal! - [shrieks]
No dice, Archie! You're not fooling us again.
You are a dirty, dirty liar!
And your pants are on fire!
- Whoa. - And--and--
and you jump up and touch a telephone wire!
That's what a dirty liar you are!
Stand down, Private. We'll handle this.
Thanks. Some of those things he said were really hurtful--
Mister, you're just entering a world of hurt.
Kowalski, hurt options.
- The Balkan towel snap? - Possibly. Go on.
- The Spanish wet willy? - Intriguing.
- The Croatian purple nurple? - Bingo!
Gentlemen, we have a winner. Rico, do the honors.
Heh, heh, heh!
No. No, no. Stay back. Stay back!
Rest easy, Private.
That raccoon will never pose
as a swashbuckling French hero ever again.
That's good, Skipper, but still...
it was nice to think there was a real hero out there.
It's a shame to let that go.
[panting]
- Oh, no you don't. - Noooo!
You know, Private, maybe we don't have to.
[French accent] Ho-ho, my friends!
There is no need to scrounge for scraps.
Wow, thanks!
Think nothing of it.
It's all in a day's work for... the archer!
[New York accent] Of course, there is a small finder's fee.
Omph!
Heroes don't charge for delivery!
Nice aim, Private.
Thanks, Skipper. Now move, you!
We're going to feed bread crumbs to the ducks next!
All right, all right, I'm moving!
[heroic music]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪