[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[jazzy music]
Okay, that's one order of General Tso Shrimp,
one fried rice, one veggie chow mein,
and two kung pao scallops.
You are correct.
Okay, that's $35.84.
We'll be there in 20 minutes.
[panting]
I got $1.17.
Blegh.
[coins jingle]
Ta-da!
And Rico got the rest,
which is both impressive and gross.
Pack it up, boys.
We're on.
Here you go, sir.
[computerized voice] Keep the change.
It's all change.
You are correct.
My friends...
dinner is served!
Take note, Maurice.
Tonight chow mein is my main chow.
[groans]
Take another note, Maurice.
Never am I eating chow mein again.
[belches] Excuse me.
[groans]
General Tso and his shrimp beat me tonight.
Oh, well played, General.
Skipper,
I hope you saved room for a fortune cookie.
Private, there's always room for a fortune cookie.
I say, would you like Phil and I
to read your fortune?
Knock yourselves out.
Ooh, "Your decisive skills make you a natural leader."
Well, thanks. But what does the cookie say?
- That was it. - Oh. Well...
the cookie is quite perceptive.
Kowalski?
"You are careful and considerate."
After careful consideration, I concur with the cookie.
Ooh! Read mine, read mine!
"Your heart is a fountain of joy."
It's true. It is.
How about yours, Rico?
Blegh.
Eh, heh.
Egad, man! Are you certain you're reading that right?
What's it say?
Uh, "Your smiles are like rays of sunshine,
warm and inviting."
My, look at the time. We must dash.
Hold up, chimp.
I smell monkey business.
- You do? - Yeah, I do.
Rico, smile.
[laughs]
That is not a warm and inviting smile.
More like creepy and unsettling.
Right. So, chimp,
what's that fortune really say?
[sighs] Fine.
It says, "You will soon meet a foul end."
[screaming]
Rico! Get a hold of yourself, man.
Fortunes don't mean anything.
Wait a minute, Skipper. Yours did.
Well, that's called the exception that proves the rule.
- And mine did too. - The other exception.
- And Kowalski's. - Okay!
They were exceptional cookies.
But that doesn't prove anything.
Fortunes are mere superstitions.
Yes, these stitions are super.
That is why you must listen to them.
This is a curse.
Your friend has been given a misfortune cookie.
- A what? - A misfortune cookie.
It is like a regular fortune cookie,
except it is filled with hate and bile--
and sugar--
and evil.
Oh, that doesn't sound good,
- except for the sugar part. - You need the sugar,
or the bile will overwhelm the flavor.
Anyway, it is only a matter of time before Chico--
- Rico. - Rico meets his foul end.
[muttering nervously]
Come on, Rico.
You're not going to believe this ringtailed nut job
over your level-headed friends, are you?
- Uh-uh. - Good man.
Hmm.
Got any nines?
No. Go fishies!
[sighs]
Maurice, I worry about those penguins.
What will make them believe in curses?
Short of that penguin meeting a foul end, nothing.
Ah, but what if we made Freako--
- Rico. - Rico meet a foul end?
Then the penguins would believe.
Maybe, but then it wouldn't be a curse.
Wouldn't it, Maurice? Are you sure?
Uh, yeah. I'm pretty sure.
And I'm pretty not.
No, wait! No!
I am pretty, very, very pretty.
So pretty. Mort, tell me I am pretty.
- You are pretty. - Thank you.
See, Maurice?
Mort agrees with me. Case closed.
[sighs] All right, what do you have in mind?
[crashes]
Huh?
[groans]
[wheels squeaking]
[crashes]
[groans]
[detective music]
Huh? Eh? Hey.
[splats]
[groaning]
Whoa! Aah!
Rico, you can't hide in there forever.
Uh-huh!
True, an unusual series of events
seems to be conspiring against you,
but does that mean you're cursed?
- Yup. - Rico, say you are cursed.
Do you really think a fortress of pillows will protect you?
[moaning]
Look, curses aren't real.
There's another explanation out there,
and I intend to find it.
This cart is incapable of self-locomotion.
So the cart was pushed.
Precisely.
I was just standing there
eating my hay when something sharp,
like a needle, just poked me right on the butt.
Hmm. Compelling.
Skipper, look. Lemur fur.
Lemur fur with a lot of hair products.
This can mean only one thing.
Don't play dumb with me, ringtail!
Who says I am playing?
We know you're behind these so-called mishaps.
This is an outrageousness
for you to accuse me like a snake.
Yo, we got a snake to bite Rico.
This'll convince those penguin--
Yeah, uh, forget it.
Okay, you caught me with the red hands.
I did it all.
And you are gonna undid it all.
And so...
it was me who made all those scary things
- happen on you. - See, Rico?
There was no curse after all.
Uh-uh.
Eh, I don't think he believes me.
Uh-uh.
Options. I need options.
I have an in with the sky spirits.
I can ask them to break the curse.
Oh, come on. Your mumbo jumbo
is no more real than a fortune cookie's.
Yes, but if Rico is willing
to believe in one superstition...
Perhaps he'll believe in another!
No way. Ringtail's done enough damage.
Kowalski, give me some more options.
Okay, and...
give me a minute.
Ah! Here we go!
We can replace Rico's brain with a wombat's.
- How would that help? - I don't know.
But I've got to do something with this.
Okay, I guess we do it your way.
Yay!
I'll get my curse-breaking crown.
Hey! Huh?
Aaahh!
Naa! Naa!
[percussive, rhythmic music]
Rico, I was wrong.
Oh, so very, very wrong.
The curse is real. It's up to the sky spirits now.
Go to the ringtail!
Go.
Come closer.
Closer.
A little more closer.
Wait. Okay, that's too close.
Take one step back.
Another one, a little half step.
Right there. Tell me,
flightless bird, Pico--
all: Rico!
Rico, why are you here?
You know why he's here.
Excuse me. Are you wearing the big hat?
No?
Trust me, it's part of the ritual.
Go on.
[grunting and belching]
Okay, didn't catch any of that.
So let's skip the Qs and the As
and move right into the curse removal.
Three terrible trials await you.
The first is the journey of a thousand tears.
You will walk the sacred path of Tikis,
peeling an onion
while you are repeatedly smacked by the fishes.
Ow.
Ow, ow.
Uh? Huh?
[groaning]
Next is the journey of a thousand burdens.
You will carry the heavy things
and whistle while you do it.
[whistling]
[groans]
Finally is the trampling by a thousand rhinos.
Ahh!
Uh, slight glitch, though.
We only have one rhino,
so you'll have to do it a thousand times.
Ahh!
[thunder crackles]
Flightless bird,
you have completed the three trials.
By the way,
sorry about the extra rhino tramplings.
I lost count.
And now, by the power invested in me
by the sky spirits, I pronounce you
curse free.
Yay!
Whoo-hoo!
[laughs]
[speaking gibberish]
Julien did it!
Rico's cured!
Or at least he thinks he is.
Works for me.
[humming]
- Look out! - Aah!
Oh, dude, sorry.
My bad. Oh, this is uncomfortable.
Blegh!
And that, men, is why we don't fly.
Skipper, do you realize what just happened?
Ducks are water fowl,
and so a duck's bum is a fowl end!
- Huh? - Rico met a fowl end.
The curse was real.
- Told you. - Yay!
[angelic music]
How ya doin'? I got a big box
- from the Hoboken zoo there. - Live cargo?
Hey I just drive the truck, lady.
Dump it round back.
I'll get to it when I get to it.
Daah!
[horn honks]
Kowalski, tell me this is our shipment
of sweet Alaskan salmon.
Negative, Skipper. Some sort of containment unit.
- I'd say simian. - Fish and chips, man.
Rico, chimp habitat, stat.
[tires screech]
What the dickens?
You didn't see anything.
Hmm.
Oh, fresh air!
[angelic music and birds chirping]
I say, who the dickens are you?
Lulu. What?
Didn't they tell you I was coming?
No, actually.
I'm sorry to put you out, boys.
But I'll only be here for a few days,
just until they fix up my habitat
back at the Hoboken Zoo.
Is your friend all right?
Uh, he's a chimp of few words.
Phil, don't be rude.
Phil? Oh, dear.
Pardon us.
Gorgeous? Why, Phil.
You dog.
Help you win her heart?
Well, I haven't the foggiest, but, perhaps...
Wait, you came to me for advice?
No one ever comes to me for advice.
This is, like, so unexpect-- like, I don't even know.
All right, okay, okay, so, so anyway, um...
a girl chimp, huh?
Yes. Phil is positively head over tail for her.
Okay. Top of my head here.
Candles, moonlight, acoustic guitar.
No, no. Spanish guitar. Muy romantico.
Then, after your touching, tender serenade,
you present her with a bouquet of oysters on half shells
arranged to spell out her name...
"Marlene."
Yes, but her name is Lulu.
Yeah, I know. Whatever.
Anyway, do that, and you can't miss.
No offense, but I'm not sure this is the way
to capture a chimp's heart.
You heard the mission:
help the silent simian capture the lady chimp's heart.
Kowalski, I want an action plan on my desk by--
Hey, hey, hey! They came here for my advice, okay?
Therefore, my mission.
Ah, but use of the word "capture"
automatically makes this a penguin operation.
- Uh-huh. - Sorry, Marlene.
- Those are the rules. - Uggh.
Men, I need love options.
Skipper, our intel shows
there is one sure way to a female's heart:
you start with a 4-inch incision--
I hear that the way to win over a girl's heart
is to sit on her egg through the long cold winter.
All right, Private,
you and Bravo Team will secure Lulu's egg--
I'm afraid Lulu is not a penguin.
Exactly! Okay, like I was saying:
- candles, moonlight-- - Marlene, please.
Don't bring all your sappy emotion into this.
This is love!
What we need is an operative on the inside,
someone who can tell us what makes that chimp tick.
No. No, no, no.
I'm really not comfortable--
Oh, fine.
[binoculars beep and whir]
- [clears throat] - Right.
[sighs] Fine.
Excuse me, Lulu.
I have--
well, I have this friend
who is interested in courting you.
Oh, really?
And just what does this friend look like?
Decent enough, I suppose.
Actually, a bit like me.
Oh, you're a shy one.
The answer is yes.
Of course I'll go out with you.
Oh, that's fantastic. Hey, wait. What? Oh.
Aheh.
Sorry, old bean.
I'm afraid I've made a right mess of it.
Not to worry, chimp.
We've got you covered. Private, options.
Hello? I'm the options guy.
Well, not when it comes to affairs of the heart.
That's where young Private here shines.
True. I do struggle to comprehend emotions
and feelings and... w-women.
Yeah, duh. You're on, Private.
Uh, uh, let's see, um...
Come on, Private; you know what to do.
Moonlight, guitar, oysters.
Hmm, sorry, Marlene.
But maybe if Phil could somehow show off his machismo...
Machismo! Espanol. I like it!
Well, yes, I do rather enjoy poetry, fine cuisine,
and, well, the ballet, of course.
Oh, Mason, what a sensitive soul you are.
Reach for the skies, chimps!
- Wh-what? - Egad!
Penguin desperados, and they've got sticks.
Arrgh!
That's right, mateys!
And, oh, arggh, and shiver me timbers.
[muttering]
Kowalski, we're supposed to be desperados, not pirates.
Really?
Oh.
Blaah!
Well, um, the point is, we want all your bananas!
And there's no one tough enough here to stop us!
Certainly not this milksop.
Hold on now.
Mason may not be tough.
But me, I'm from Hoboken!
[groaning]
[shrieks fiercely]
[crashing and groaning noises]
There there, love.
Those nasty penguins won't bother you again,
you sweet, sensitive soul, you.
No, I imagine not.
I've got other options, Skipper.
Private, I've heard enough of your options, thank you.
- I'm going with your plan. - Me?
No, I was pointing at Kowalski.
Operation Love From Above.
Mason will lead our target to a designated location
- where a heavy crate-- - E-excuse--
how many times do I have to say it?
Moonlight, candles--
Where a heavy crate of bananas will fall.
I thought I'd be homesick,
but I've barely thought about home since I met you.
Lovely.
Now excuse me one moment.
Don't move an inch.
Actually, move an inch to your right.
No, no, your other right.
Perfect!
- That's the signal. - Go!
Aagh. It won't cut.
[gasps] Oh, what are you doing?
Get off me!
[shrieking]
Blast it all.
What the devil is the problem?
The problem was, I based my calculations on cotton rope
but we used nylon.
I've made the adjustments, so we're ready to go again.
- Daah! - Or not.
Gentlemen, it's time to break out the big guns.
Yes, I'm talking about love potion number... 37.
- 37? - 37?
[unintelligible]
I know it's risky.
But so is love.
Look what happened to Manfredi and Johnson
when they fell hard for those chinstrap sisters.
They lost their hearts, a lung,
and 15 feet of intestine.
37?
[gasps]
What's in there?
Flamingo sweat and garlic.
Ooh, baby!
Preen me.
Preen me, sweet stuff!
Man, I hate to say it, lads,
but perhaps Phil and Lulu just aren't meant to be.
[flamingoes shrieking]
Wait, wait, wait. You still haven't followed
a certain someone's advice.
Egad, Marlene is right.
So you have come to me for the romantical advice.
Okay, this is not what I had in mind!
To impress this girly monkey,
you must knock her feet off.
That is how I have gotten my many girlfriends.
What girlfriends?
You don't know them; they all live in Canada.
But trust me when I tell you they are made up...
eh, with lipsticks and powders and such,
but, you know, tastefully.
- Uh-huh. - Okay,
my secret is two words
I am now about to say to you.
Get ready.
Hey, wait, those weren't the two words.
And those weren't either. Or those!
Just tell us the two words!
Okay.
"Roller disco."
[laughs]
[snores]
[disco music]
Uh?
Ugh, not that guy again.
Still...
he's a jolly good dancer.
Ah, the victim approaches.
Whoa!
What are you doing?
[disco music]
I hate to say it,
but ringtail may have actually pulled this off.
No one can resist the allure of the roller disco.
Oh, Phillip.
I had no idea you were such a romantic.
Waaaaah!
It may not be a total loss.
[crashes]
Admittedly, things are looking
a bit iffy.
Now release the dogs.
[dogs bark]
Ow! Get them off me!
Don't you mean doves?
Eh, on second thought, doves would have been better.
Good to know, good to know.
Lulu, please. Come out.
Absolutely not! You're all loonies.
Nail the crate shut. We won't let her out
until she falls in love with Phil.
No, no. Listen, listen.
We put him in the crate with her,
then nail it shut.
Then they will fall in love, or die trying.
Give me 15 minutes. I can crack open more
than enough oysters.
Phil, don't be rash, man!
- What? What's he doing? - He's going to...
speak to her!
Biscuits and gravy!
We didn't run a scenario for that.
What now?
"Lulu, I'm sorry for all I've put you through,
"but I didn't know how to tell you
"that I think you are fantastic, beautiful, and amazing,
and... and..."
Oh, I'm not getting that last part.
"And I wish we could spend the waning hours
we have left here together in each other's big hairy arms."
His words, not mine.
Well, Phil. Why didn't you just say all that
in the first place?
So just talking? That works?
So the data would indicate.
Huh. Who knew?
[brassy detective music]