[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[music continues]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
Hey, guys.
Marlene, you really have to say something
before you burst in on us like that.
Lucky we didn't set off our habitat's new defense grid.
Tear gas, blow darts, landmines,
the whole enchilada.
Isn't all that a little severe?
Is it?
One of these days, you're gonna learn
that there's only one universal language,
force.
And math.
Hm, right.
Force and math.
Music, also.
Force, math, and music are really the only--
Laughter?
The point is,
we speak fluent force around here.
We feel safer knowing that no one--and I mean no one--
can get into our lair.
♪ I like happy frogs, and belly flops ♪
♪ Not big meanies ♪
♪ And special ops ♪
Hi.
How are you?
[crashes]
Roger, how could you possibly get through my defense grid?
[stammering]
Me?
Oh, I just let myself in through the front door,
over there.
Well, then, according to the security protocol,
you are either an enemy agent or our guest.
Are you sure it's no bother if I hang out here for a while?
Ugh!
Well, actually, we might--
[muffled speech]
Make yourself right at home.
Home,
that's my problem.
Take everything that ain't nailed down,
then take the nailed stuff too.
[laughing]
I estimate the target to be approximately 17 miles.
Ooh, make that 17 feet.
First they called me names.
Then they start taking my lunch.
And now--
Now they've taken your home.
And that ain't gonna fly.
But I tried everything.
I tried being nice.
I tried baking them muffins.
[grunting]
Mm, good point, Rico.
Have you tried hammering them
until they run crying to their little rat mamas?
That sounds kind of violent.
If it's done properly.
Uh, I don't know, guys.
I don't think I'm comfortable
with you actually hurting anyone.
Oh, don't worry.
We're not gonna hurt anybody.
- You are! - What?
Go on, show them that vicious primeval instinct.
But I'm not sure I have one of those.
What do you think these claws are for?
What about these teeth?
Well, they come in handy for arts and crafts
- and scrap booking and croch-- - Look at yourself, man.
You're an alligator, prehistoric killing machine.
Those are just rodents.
Now, all you have to do is let nature take its course.
Say it.
Let nature take its course.
Gentlemen, I feel--
[glass breaks]
How about you take a course of this and this!
How about these and those right there?
And how about over here?
Right behind you ear!
Nature can be cruel, gentlemen.
Well, fear not, Roger.
We will mold you into an instrument of destruction
and mayhem.
In order to coach you, I need to know what I'm dealing with.
Take Rico for example.
He's clearly a world-class psychopath.
So we just kind of took that ball and ran with it.
Ta da!
[explosion]
We can use any talent you have.
Well, there is one thing,
but I don't think it's gonna be very helpful.
Nonsense.
Anything you say will be helpful, anything.
I've always dreamt of being a singer.
[clears throat]
♪ When you hear the night's last flush ♪
♪ Then, my dear, it's time to hush ♪
♪ One or two, either number ♪
♪ Says to you, peaceful slumber ♪
♪ Feel the drench from the broken pipe ♪
♪ Ooh, that stench it's-- ♪
Whoa, whoa, okay.
You know how I just said that anything you say
will be helpful?
Uh-huh.
Well, I was wrong.
Rico?
[frenzied grunting]
Naptime's over.
I think we just have to let Roger be Roger, Skipper.
There's nothing we can do to change who he is inside.
You're right, Private.
It's not like we can just take Rico's berserker rage
and drop it into Roger.
Can we?
[lightning crashes]
[sinister organ music]
A mind switching machine.
Huh.
Is this gonna hurt?
just a little pinch
followed by the brief sensation of a thousand suns
exploding in your skull.
Do I get a lollipop?
I don't know, Skipper.
Couldn't we just accept Roger for who he is?
You're an idealist, Private.
We are now go to switch the minds of Roger and Rico
using this 17-speed kitchen blender.
So after Rico trounces the rats inside Roger's body,
we switch them back?
Exactly.
It's 100% foolproof.
More accurately, it is 2.7% foolproof.
There's a 97.3% chance that this will backfire
and result in a horrific abomination
that will be an affront to the most element laws
of nature and the universe.
I like those odds.
[blender whirring]
Switching from grind to chop.
Now grate, cream, mince,
beat, whip, crushed ice.
Really? That's a handy feature.
Shred, liquefy,
puree!
[electrical crackling]
[water bubbles]
[explosion]
Uh.
Rico, talk to me.
No, it's me, Roger.
Roger?
- It worked. - We did it!
Uh, Skipper, if that's Roger,
then where's Rico?
[roaring]
[rattling]
Just take it easy there, Rog.
Can I call you Rog?
Where are those delish muffins of yours, huh?
[laughs uncomfortably]
Ah!
Oh.
Uh!
[laughing]
Wow, I can't believe I'm doing all this.
I have such guilt.
But you have to remember, Roger, that isn't really you.
Still, I really can't stand violence of any--
[vomits]
What am I doing with all this horrible stuff?
This is terrible.
No, Roger, you have to remember,
this isn't really you.
I thought you said that wasn't really him.
Well, I...
Pick a lane here, private.
Would somebody here please tell me
which one really isn't me?
Does it even matter?
He or you now has his or your home back.
Mission accomplished.
No harm done.
Uh, that may not be entirely accurate, Skipper.
I failed to take into account
the warm blood/cold blood differential
in their physiologies.
It might cause Rico's aggression levels
to spike to dangerously high--
[roaring]
Whoa, stand down, Rico.
Rico?
Rico!
[crash]
[roaring]
Rico's never disobeyed an order before,
not even the time I forced him to suck the cobra venom
out of my left buttock.
[explosion]
[roars]
He's heading into the city!
We have to stop him--
me--it-- that thing.
Get him!
[screams]
[all screaming]
[sirens wailing]
[crying]
[roars]
Ah!
[roars]
The target is two inches away and closing fast.
Private, get those wires ready.
Kowalski, stand by to re-switch brains.
And, Rico--
No, I'm Roger.
Right. Never mind.
But, Skipper, I can help.
I can. I want to.
Just tell me what to do.
Just tell me what to-- [belches]
You're just not cut out for this kind of action.
You better sit this one out.
[roaring]
Now, boys.
[crash]
[grunting]
Don't test me, Rico.
If I have to take out one of my own, I'll do it.
Just ask Manfredi and Johns--
Argh!
Ah!
Whoa, stop, Rico.
Bad gator. Bad gator.
♪ When you hear ♪
That voice,
that angelic voice.
♪ It's time to hush ♪
♪ One or two, either number ♪
♪ says to you, peaceful slumber ♪
♪ Feel the drench from the broken pipe ♪
♪ Ooh, that stench, it's mighty ripe ♪
♪ So swat the flies, close your eyes ♪
♪ Drift off to my stinky lullaby ♪
Soldier, you can share a foxhole with me anytime.
Aw, thanks, guys.
I feel like I could cry.
Do penguins cry?
'Cause I-- [belches]
We should probably get these two
back into their proper bodies.
[explosion]
My car!
Okay, people, from the top.
A-one, a-two, a-three.
♪ I like happy frogs and belly flops ♪
♪ Belly flops ♪
♪ Not big meanies and special ops ♪
♪ Lolly, lolly, lollipops ♪
♪ Not karate-aty chops ♪
♪ Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, bah ♪
♪ Lollipops ♪
Ooh-hoo, hoo, hoo.
Maurice!
Mort!
Something wrong, Your Majesty?
Yes.
You did not tell me it was my birthday.
It's not your birthday.
Of course it is.
Otherwise, why would have given me this gynormous present?
Yeah, we didn't get you a present.
I did.
No, you didn't.
No, I did.
I didn't.
Oh, I see.
So you forgot my birthday.
No, it's not your birthday.
And this isn't a birthday present.
Protect me.
Ew.
Ow.
[machine whirring]
Oh, hello.
[beeping]
Whoa, no.
Stop right there.
Come no closer.
Ow!
Maurice, it is doing everything I am doing.
I do not like it, Maurice.
Look how it mocks me in silence.
It's like a mini mime.
Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.
This is the worst birthday ever.
Ah, a hot cup of Joe and a quiet morning.
Nice.
[thud]
I bet you, please.
Back up.
What?
That thing, it is a mocking machine.
See that?
It just wants to hurt me.
Ah, when did you get a robot?
Oh, please, do not be pretending,
because I know it was you
who made this robot thing to mock me.
- Quit it. - Well, ringtail,
we are indeed working on a mocking you scenario.
Operation: Mock Julian.
But it's still in the lab.
It's only at Mach 2.
I'd like to get to Mach 8 before implementation.
So if you did not make this copying cat, who did?
Who, indeed.
No, who indid.
According to my research,
this robot was designed to learn how to be a lemur
before being sent on an outer space mission.
Once the robot has mastered lemur behavior,
it will be sent to explore mars.
Isn't space exploring more of a chimp thing?
It's a life-emulating robot,
aka, the LEM-R.
The humans believe that lemur locomotion
is ideal for traversing the hummocky Martian landscape.
Mm, hummocky.
Fascinating. What?
He's saying that the robot is here to learn from you.
Learn, from me?
Yes, he's going to copy your every move
and then take that knowledge into space.
Into space.
Oh!
I am a rolling model.
I can teach you everything about being a lemur king;
the bossing, the boasting,
but mostly of all, the boogying.
This can't be right.
I shall call you Lemmy.
Now you are royalty just like me.
But still, you have many things--
as I was saying...
have many things to be learning,
things like the mambo, the moonwalk,
the Egyptian, the electric noodle,
the robot.
No, no, jerkier.
You know, like a robot.
I would that one would be easy for you.
I don't like robot.
Listen, since that robot showed up,
my life has been easy, real easy.
So don't ruin this, Mort.
D-d-d-don't.
I still don't like robot.
Yes, Lemmy, you are bringing it to the street
and keeping it realistic.
It's madness,
utter madness.
That robot will need to be decisive, focused, practical,
and able to disarm a tentacled space squid
from 15 yards.
Right.
You can't boogie your way out of a Martian invasion.
Those space squids play for keeps.
But what can we do about it?
Extract the robot from Julien's sick schooling
and teach it the penguin way.
Yes.
Yes, we are getting a robot!
- Affirmative. - But how are we gonna
get the robot away from Julien?
Leave that to me.
Uh, okay.
Really?
You want us to play hide and seek?
Yes, it is good idea. You like?
I do, Mort, I do.
Lemmy can learn my seeking technique,
ooh, also my counting technique.
I have added a few numbers of my own
that you will be loving.
[chuckles]
One, Tulien,
three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
me-leven.
Hm.
First off, I'd like to welcome our robotic ambassador to Mars.
We're going to teach you some patented penguin moves
that I think you'll find very useful.
Especially when you come face-to-snout
with a vicious space squid.
[bleeps]
Now watch.
Lotus strike.
Roundhouse squared.
Combo punch.
You getting all this, friend?
Whoa, whoa, w-w-whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where you going?
Dancing?
No, no.
We're teaching you techniques you can use here.
Don't you understand?
We know what's best for you.
Robot, I refuse to let you leave this compound.
[alarm blaring]
Ooh!
Beautiful roundhouse.
Oh, Lemmy?
Ha.
Hm.
Where is my little robo-rascal?
Oh, Lemmy?
- Oh! - Oh!
- Uh!
I have lost all sensation in my feet.
I think I have internal bleeding.
Ah, ah, ah.
You are thinking you can hide from me,
but you can't.
You found me.
Yay!
Guck.
Of all the disappointments, this is the disappoint-iest.
Where is my bionical buddy?
Who knew he was so good at hiding?
Maybe he's so good, you'll never, ever see him again,
especially with the penguins.
No, Mort, I will never stop seeking my Lemmy.
I will seek, and seek, and seek.
Oh, okay.
But the penguins don't have him, all right?
Okay, that almost sounded suspicious to me.
Do you know some things about where my robot is, Mort?
Oh, no, I know no things.
Oh, okay.
Then you won't mind if I tickle you.
Pile on, men.
Ah!
Spill your guts, Mort.
- Ah! - Spill your tiny, tiny guts.
Where is my Lemmy?
[whooshing]
Whoa!
Huh? Uh-oh.
[laughing]
Mort, the back of your knee, the back of your knee.
Mort, are you ready to tell me?
No more tickling.
[explosion]
I will spill my guts now.
Kowalski, report.
Um, the robot...
Um...
[squeals]
What--what has been done by you to my poor Lemmy?
Uh, it...
it was an accident.
We didn't mean to blow him up.
Kablamo!
He was the only robot I ever was loving.
We're sorry, ringtail.
It's just, we knew what was best for the robot.
Kablamo!
Ka-blowing him up was the best?
Kablamo!
Okay, I said we knew what was best.
We just didn't do what was best.
Kablamo.
Your Highness, this just isn't healthy.
You got to shake this off.
No, Maurice, I will not shake this
or even my booty ever again.
But hugging time, yeah.
Look at Mort hugging your feet.
Doesn't that make you crazy?
Don't you want to do something, anything?
What is the point without my Lemmy?
Skipper, something's not right.
I feel terrible.
Same here, young private.
It's as if there's a dark abyss at the center of your soul
and all that is light and good in the world
is slipping into it.
Yep.
This is what it feels like
when you have done the wrong thing.
We've never done the wrong thing before.
I don't like it.
Me neither.
Men, we got to fix this.
[tools clacking]
Well, now that the coffee maker's working,
let's get started on that robot.
Oh.
[sighs]
Oh, Lemmy, of all the good times we had,
the ones we didn't have were the best.
Ringtail, you turn that frown upside down.
Your robo-buddy is back.
Lemmy?
Is it really you and not some crazy dream
that my head is making?
It is you!
Mort, off the royal feet.
Wah!
[laughs]
That is my Lemmy.
Men, we just made a very spoiled, very obnoxious lemur
very happy.
And that's a good thing.
Innit?
And touchdown in...
It's Lemmy's big moment.
Two, one.
The robot has set down on the surface of Mars.
And we'll soon know
if that billion-dollar experiment pays off.
It's taking its first steps.
What is he doing, Bob?
He's dancing?
I believe that's the electric noodle.
[laughs]
Look at him go.
He is boogie-riffic.
And that is why you never send a lemur to do a penguin's job.
[monster roars]
Yay!
[children laughing]