[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
And here.
Looking good.
Hey, guys.
Course is set. Ready to roll.
Oh, for pity's sake.
If the cones are going to move themselves,
- why do I measure? - Guys, what are you doing?
Marlene? Who was on cone stowaway duty?
I didn't stow--you just--
Officially you have no idea what we're doing here.
Yeah, unofficially too.
[sighs]
I am totally bored.
I am...
[yawns]
Stupid-fied.
No.
Please make me stop.
Is there nothing that can amuse me?
[screams]
Ouchy.
Nice hustle, mort.
I give it a six.
[tires squeal]
But what is this in my ears?
How'd we do, Kowalski?
Exceptional, Skipper.
Shaved four seconds off our best time.
Yoo-hoo!
It is I, King Julien,
your furry little friend and favorite next habitat neighbor.
Buckle up, boys.
We might need to beat a hasty retreat.
Eh, I could not help but notice with my eyes
your very pretty car.
I do not suppose that maybe
I could hop behind the--
This vehicle is for official use only.
Please!
Please, oh, please let me drive it.
Please!
Find your own ride, compadre.
Yes, that is it,
my own very amazing King Julien mobile.
Oh, I'm so glad I thought of that.
Ooh, 38.2 seconds,
a new zoo record.
Hello, fellow motor enthusiastics.
I now have my own sweet ride.
Yes?
Maurice.
I am stepping on the gas, but I am not rubber burning.
[imitating motor]
Doing the best I can, Your Majesty.
Stop. Stop.
Maurice, you are a lemon.
Clearly I need some other vehicle worthy of my kingliness,
but where to find such a--
[gasps]
Ah.
Maurice. Look.
What? I only see Alice's zoo cart.
It is handsome,
the most handsomest thing which I have ever seen,
besides myself, which goes without saying,
but I said it anyway.
Why? I don't know.
Tonight that magnificent machine is mine.
Ah, I don't know.
I think you can get in some big trouble
for grand theft zoo cart.
Tonight, Maurice. Tonight.
Mine. Tonight.
Yours tonight.
I like the way you think, you little funky monkey.
Look at her shine, Skipper.
This car is so clean you could eat off it.
[grunts excitedly]
[eats aggressively]
Is that good, Rico?
[rumbling]
Oh, hello, penguin drivers.
How do you like my King Julien mobile?
Fish and chips, man. You almost squished us.
Ha. You are ruffling your feathery parts
because I have this big, beauteous ride,
while you have the puny little babyish car.
Our car's not babyish.
It's strategically...
adorable.
Bab-ee.
Well, it could run circles around that monstrosity.
Care to put that money in your mouth?
Are you challenging us to a race?
Am I? Yes!
You understand what I am doing before I am even doing it.
Winner takes the loser's car.
- Why would you want two cars? - One for commuting,
one for weekend errands around town.
Better stock up on subway tokens.
We'll race tonight at 12:00.
Make it...
midnight.
Wait. Wait.
Uh, when is my pedicure?
Midnight.
Ooh.
Can we make it 12:15?
Does 12:15 work for you?
Fine.
12:15.
Then later, suckers.
[grunts]
Heh.
[gasps]
Whoa!
According to my calculations, Skipper,
there's zero percent chance our car can beat Julien's--
at least, not in its current state.
♪ 400 horses under the hood ♪
♪ Super speedway jackhammer ♪
♪ Action-charged door slammer ♪
♪ Burning rubber rock my world ♪
♪ G-g-g-got a diamond flake top shine ♪
♪ Four-bore brake supply bolt-sitting sidewinder ♪
♪ Hemi blast over the line ♪
♪ The speed of sound ♪
♪ Won't get us down ♪
♪ The speed of light ♪
♪ we're going to beat it tonight ♪
Outstanding work, boys.
The wheels of thunder, the wheels of thunder ♪
Ooh, baby.
Cool cars go faster.
That's a scientific fact.
[car beeps]
Gentlemen, our car is officially boss.
It's a lovely night for a race,
so lovely I may not fling any poo.
Oh, all right, Phil.
We can watch the race and fling poo,
just like we did in Talladega.
- Steering wheel. - Check.
- Comfy seat. - Check.
Brick.
Check-ity do.
Hey, lemur.
Are you ready to have your lunch handed to you?
Oh, why, actually, yes. That would be very nice.
I'll have a BLT. Hold the "T," and--
Oh! This is some of your trashy talk, yes?
Well, I too can talk of this smack.
Gentle mammals and birds,
start your engines.
[engines revving]
Ready.
Set.
Go!
Wah!
Ha! I am the greasy lightning!
Maurice, did they go squash yet?
Nope. They're still back there.
Okay. Then bowl them away.
Evasive!
Still there
and coming on strong.
It is time to gum up their works.
We're on it.
Incoming!
Oh, not in the fur.
Did that sticky them all up? Tell me yes.
Uh, okay. Yes.
Yes. Wait.
Maurice, are you just telling to me what I want you to tell me?
- Yes. - Yes!
Wait. No!
You're going down, lemur.
And you are going left.
[screaming]
Yeah, now this is a sweet ride.
Hang on to your lunches, boys.
Uh, Your Majesty, they're back.
Actually, they're front.
In front. Of us.
Maurice, are you now just telling to me
what I do not want to hear?
Just look!
[laughing]
[blow raspberries]
No. I cannot be the loser guy.
Maurice, throw something at them.
Like what?
We've thrown everything we've got.
Pffft! Bye!
Must I spell it out?
The home stretch.
We've got this one in the bag, boys.
[yells]
Silly losers.
I flew.
[giggles]
Kowalski, progress report.
We seem to be losing.
Wrong. Private, take the wheel.
Rico. Bean up.
[stomach rumbles]
Ha-ha!
I can taste the taste of victory.
Mm. It tastes yummy in my tummy.
[boom]
Oh, no.
Now I smell the smell of defeat,
and, whoo, it is stinking.
Say hello to the winners circle, boys.
Here they come.
Road hazard.
[all screaming]
[horn blares]
Ha-ha!
I am the winnerest winner of them all.
We lost?
Men, I take full blame for this.
You'll have my resignation first thing in the A.M.
You, simian, you cost us the race.
You can't go throwing your banana peels around willy nilly.
Well, he's got you there, Phil.
It's not like poo.
There are consequences.
[laughs]
Silly penguins.
When will you learn
that nothing can stop King Julien?
[laughs]
[crashes]
Nothing but a brick wall.
Come on.
Speak to me, man. How many fingers?
Is this a tricky question?
Ah!
What have you done?
Um, Your Majesty, you did that!
Maurice, enough with the "What I don't want to hear."
It is sad, very sad.
I would shed tears
if I did not have your car!
[laughs]
Doesn't have to be so gloaty about it.
I feel your pain, Private,
but you roll the dice, you pay the price.
Not necessarily, Skipper.
Hey, does this have a seat warmer?
Because my royal tushy gets freezy in the winter.
Look. Me. On the pushy button.
- [beeps] - Whoa!
Kowalski?
Lemur ejecting seat,
my own personal touch.
Sweet.
Ah!
Well, well.
Trying to bury a secret, Miss Zookeeper?
Pity for you, penguins never sleep.
[snoring]
Penguins never sleep!
Look alive, men.
I've got my freak on for recon.
[whistling]
Whistling.
Awfully cheery for someone pushing a suspiciously
human-shaped sack, wouldn't you say?
I don't know, Skipper.
Sometimes a good whistle
makes me feel like a pretty little butterfly.
[gags]
Can the sweet talk, Private.
You know Rico has gooey love mush sensitivity.
Looks like she's burying the evidence, Skipper,
above ground, standing up
in the busiest crossroads of the zoo.
Putting her gruesome handiwork on display?
How sick is this woman?
Please, no zombie. Please, no zombie.
[all gasp]
No. It's worse.
Hello, Mr. Robot guide.
Can you tell me where to find the otters?
Otters thataway, little ranger.
Ah, works like a dream.
Good-bye, annoying tour group questions.
It's too horrible for words,
except these ones,
the words I'm saying right now.
These are fine.
But anything else, no go.
But, Skipper, it doesn't look that horrible.
I like that fearless attitude, Private,
but only a fool could fail to see
the danger in this metallic invader.
Step to the sides, gentlemen,
now can you not see that I am coming through?
Oh, metal wiseman,
show me who is the smartest of all creatures.
Hey, that is right!
Yes. Me.
Oh, make the shiny man do magic again.
Now show me who has the most attractive bottom.
Amazing.
How does it know?
Take a look at our future, boys.
Phase two, robot animals.
It's a classic cost-cutting maneuver:
replacement and elimination.
But there's one, two, three, four--
four things they didn't count on.
The war on robots starts...
Eh, Skip?
Now!
[spits up]
Come on, Rico.
These prissy party favors won't take down
that pile of evil robot steel.
[gagging]
What now?
That is just disturbing.
- [spits up] - Dynamite.
The classic time bomb bundle
with the L.E.D. countdown delay,
maximum explodability
matched with maximum getaway-ability.
Rico, you're a mad genius.
That robo zoo guide goes sayonara in a half an hour...
High noon.
Skipper, Alice, incoming.
Ah!
[beeping]
[laughs]
Time to take your medicine.
There. That should keep your lunch down where it belongs.
That dame is a riddle wrapped in mystery
and dunked in nasty sauce.
Okay, mission time.
Rico, re-regurgitate that time bomb.
[gagging]
Rico.
You all right, buddy?
[burps]
Skipper.
Gack attack.
Anti-vomiting syrup.
We'll take the "ew" out of "spew."
Mm. Appetizing.
Sorry, old boy. Looks like you're all
plugged up till the medicine wears off.
23 minutes, 17 seconds from detonation, Skipper.
So that's their game,
blowing us up one by one
with un-regurgitatable gut bombs,
horrified yet impressed.
[gags]
It's so obvious, I--
I should've seen it coming.
I'm sorry, Rico.
I blame myself.
No, Rico. No!
Not Rico.
Not anybody.
Kowalski. Status report.
22 minutes, 46 seconds.
Then we've got 22 minutes and 45 seconds
to get that bomb out of our buddy's belly.
Rico, my friend,
we are going to teach you to spew again.
Try to keep it in the bag, please.
Shields up.
Pop!
Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs] - Not to worry, men.
There's more than one way to make a penguin
- puke his guts out. - Really? How many--
17. Just don't ever ask to see number 12.
I smuggled this
out of the souvenir shop.
A nature documentary?
Wait for it.
This is Antarctica,
icy home to the playful penguin.
Hey, that looks like Uncle Nigel.
[screams]
Become prey for the insatiable bloodthirst
of this leopard seal.
Oh, that image will haunt me.
It's just a boring documentary.
Bet you can't eat just one, Mr. Seal.
[gagging]
Well, Rico,
I'm sorry it's come to this,
but I had Kowalski whip up a little concoction called
number 12.
Two scoops of squirrel lint, a dash of baboon spit,
used kitty litter, one hippo toenail,
and anything we could find in the monkey cages.
Oh, mama.
[laughs nervously]
Bottoms up.
Mm.
[burps]
[beeping]
Only 4 minutes, 26 seconds left.
Kowalski, ideas?
That bomb is not coming out.
We could send a man inside to defuse it
if we were about yay tall.
Well, how close are we to shrink ray technology?
700 years.
Curse you, shrink ray!
Make that 712.
Who is burping up the stinking fog of lint
and spit and unspeakable things from a kitten and--
[stomach rumbles]
Oh, I don't even want to know what that fart was--
Oh, it smells like the circus.
Hm.
Am I going to the circus too?
Why is the circus so dark and slimy?
Hey, there's popcorn down here.
Hurray!
- Hey! - Bird's gone carnivore.
Quick. We must flee.
Maurice, distract them by being eaten.
Tiny lemur, listen very carefully to Kowalski.
He's going to talk you through this.
Um, okay.
All right, Mort,
you need to get to the bottom of the stomach.
Down the spiral staircase?
Take the elevator. It's quicker.
[elevator dings]
Okay. Do you see the time bomb?
I see an old squeaky toy.
Oh, I see it!
- I see the bomb. - Good.
Now very carefully separate the blue and yellow wires
from their sheathing, reverse their polarity,
then splice both into the ground lead,
which should be a slightly thicker copper filament.
Am I going too fast for you?
Hm. Okay.
Which of the colors is blue?
[together] Oh.
Is this a blue one?
- [farts] - Ah!
No, I believe that's a kidney.
Sorry, amigo.
Looks like game over.
I never thought it would end this way,
but I want you to know
I love you,
you crazy knucklehead.
I also love you
in the same way expressed previously,
dude.
[stomach rumbles]
I love you too, Rico.
[burps]
And I love this popcorn.
It's a little wet, though.
[stomach rumbles]
Eh, what is that noise?
I know I'm not good with words, Rico.
And, well, either are you, really,
but I just want to say
you are my brother.
That's poetry, Skipper.
[gags]
I don't know about him,
but this mush is making me want to blow chunks.
Do you mind?
Where e'er the sun lay softly its head,
there will the land whisper,
"Rico. Rico."
Okay.
Okay, now that's poetry.
[gags]
[all crying]
I just want to see a penguin throw up.
[gagging violently]
Whee!
Mort, the bomb.
Get rid of the bomb!
I got the bomb.
Mort is the best!
I am the winner. Mort is the--
ow!
Little ranger.
[boom]
We--we won.
And Rico's still alive.
- [laughs] - Come here, boys.
He was the only one who truly appreciated my bottom.
Hey, he's still loving my booty.
[brassy detective music]