♪♪
The thief asked the daughter
can you carry more?
She loved the old thief,
so she always answered yes.
even though the thefts
made her stomach hurt.
So the thief added to her bundle.
And the thief never knew
that his daughter struggled with the weight,
because his daughter would never tell him.
So he added and added.
Until one day he stopped asking if she could carry more.
And he just continued adding.
And soon, afterward,
her stomach stopped hurting.
Come to the restaurant after the show.
If you want to make 300 Euros.
It concerns Twizzlers.
Recon? If you don't stop following me,
I'm gonna stab you in the thigh.
John, I can be a huge help.
[groans]
- Don't go to the hospital. - Fuck.
Oh-- What?
This company called here an hour ago
and asked if I was Japanese.
and asked if I could find an Asian cohort
to hit this guy about the legs with Twizzlers.
For 600 Euros.
I said I was Korean.
They said it was close enough.
Should we?
Hit some guy with Twizzlers? For 600 Euros?
Yes.
What did you think of the sky and the sun in the show?
Didn't really catch my eye.
Here, I bought this because I liked one song.
But the rest of them suck.
So you'll probably like it.
First off, no judgments. Agreed?
Good.
Cool.
I have a very stressful walk of life.
Responsible for a large corporation.
And we're not doing too well, either, frankly,
because of me, I guess.
So I'm compelled, in moments,
to surrender and turn over control.
And let me be clear, this is not a sexual thing.
This is just a thing about liking to be whipped about the hamstrings,
here and there, say.
Now let me say a word about that.
Twizzlers? Why?
Well, let me list for you the number of items
I've unsuccessfully had applied in the near past.
Electrical cords. Stingy.
Not in a good way.
Wire hangers? [chuckles]
Hey, that's too rough for this guy.
Pencil. You can't get the torque,
proper, from a pencil.
Actual whip?
Cliché. Come on.
Necktie? Makes me think about work.
Shoe lace. You lose them,
then you're walking around with loose shoes.
Bicycle spoke.
Tried one. Close.
Makes a distracting whistling and slicing motion
that anticipates the wallop.
So it takes some of the fun out of it.
But your Twizzler?
Well, your Twizzler...
has a friendly heft
and porous surface space
that lets you know it's there
without leaving a mark.
Now, this part might sound a little out there.
My alarm clock.
This thing.
The first sensation of each new day.
Each new day,
same old sensation.
Not tomorrow.
You guys sleep here, make yourselves comfy.
Not a sexual thing, as I said,
but 6 a.m., let's say good morning
by wailing on me.
[speaking French]
[bell dings]
Mother.
Please.
[knocking on door]
[knocking continues]
- Mr. Candahar? - Yes.
I'm sorry to disturb you,
but this party needs your attention.
Do you know this woman?
This is concerning?
She is employed by an escort service
and claims you shared intimacy,
and you failed to pay her.
He used me for pleasure many times.
I want to invite you to the station to find a resolution.
Are you arresting me?
Let's work there, please, to find a resolution.
Candahar: I had no interaction with this woman.
I haven't left my room.
Detective: You phoned her the day she says she was exploited.
Candahar: I allowed her to use my phone on the elevator.
Please.
Let's talk in private.
Uh-uh! You needn't bring your wardrobe.
You're in a police station. It's the safest place there is.
It's odd behavior on your part, toting garment bags.
To and fro, sir.
To and fro.
[door closes]
♪♪
♪ Travelin' north ♪
♪ Travelin' north to find you ♪
♪ Train was beating the wind in my eyes ♪
♪ Don't even know what I'll say when I find you ♪
♪ Call out your name, love, don't be surprised ♪
♪ It's so many miles ♪
♪ And so long since I've met you ♪
♪ Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you ♪
♪ But suddenly now I know where I belong ♪
♪ It's many hundred miles ♪
♪ And it won't be long ♪
[gunshot]
♪ It won't be long ♪
I would like to send someone over
to get in front of this election.
How close are they?
To what?
To a practical nuclear capability?
It's gonna happen.
This winter, if they want it to happen.
Sorry. I can't allow it at this time, Tom.
Tom: Occasionally, in my job, I am told no.
I am told you cannot implement a particular course of action.
And occasionally, in my job,
I implement that course of action despite that.
That is what I did in this instance.
I implemented a plan without authorization.
And in this instance, at this time,
the plan began to unravel.
Woman on P.A.: Mr. John Lakeman,
you're requested on floor two,
interview room 216.
Mr. John Lakeman.
[church bells chiming]
[button clicks]
Where's the bag?
[door closes]
♪♪ ["Heart and Soul" on piano]
Leslie: Doing great, kid.
Hi, John.
So, John, I decided on my demands.
Let's just say I'll share them with you in Milwaukee,
in the good ol' U.S.A.
Let's just say that.
♪♪ [piano continues]
[line ringing]
Man: Hello?
Hello.
Is Charlie-- Is Charlie there?
I'm sorry?
Um...
Yeah?
Is Charlie there?
- Who? - Charlie.
- My dog? - Yeah.
You wanna talk to my dog?
Yeah, just for a second.
Who is this?
I found him.
I brought him back there to you.
Just wanted to make sure he got back there.
He's back, yes. Thank you very much.
Yeah.
So can I talk to him?
I'm not-- I'm not following you.
Just wanted to talk to your dog for a second.
Big fuckin' deal.
Who is this?
[phone beeps]
Did you just call someone's dog?
Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit?
What are you talking about?
What's this book about anyway?
What-- What are the structural dynamics of flow?
It studies the difficulty
in moving an element from A to B.
Well...
Fuck.
Yeah, they were all gone.
For some reason.
I'll go back.
You got to get it in there.
She's going to chase me down, I can feel it.
She's got Alice's name.
The detective.
I called Alice that night.
Hey.
It's going to be okay, John.
Come on.
Yeah?
You know what she's investigating?
- A murder. - Yeah.
Why's it going to be okay?
Because you didn't do it.
Give me five.
- Why? - Because you kick ass.
Stop calling dogs.
Ron: Remove brakes and lights from your bike
and wrap the whole thing in black tape.
Yeah.
- Why? - Why what?
Why am I removing the brakes and lights from your bike and taping it black?
'Cause I'm doing this thing tomorrow night in Milwaukee.
Those are the rules.
And replace my shampoo and soap. Okay?
Today, please. It's important.
No sweat.
We land at 8.
I pretty much go straight to work.
- It's critical. - Critical?
I got this guy smelling my fucking head. Yes.
Got it, man.
[phone rings]
Hello.
- Man: John? - Yeah.
Gregory Gordon, McMillan HR. Hey, man.
- Hey, man. - How's the trip going?
- [tires screech] - [horn honks]
Pretty good.
So, John, if a new employee is unable to produce
the required documentation within 30 days of being hired,
the employee must present a receipt
for the application for those documents.
So I think you need to get me that.
John, you have a second?
Um... Concerning?
I'm in Human Resources,
and we take that seriously here at McMillan.
The human part.
Yeah. Okay.
How you doing, you know?
Just overall, not professionally.
- Um... - Overall. How you doing?
Pretty good.
Are you?
I've been a little busy, but--
Yeah, I hear you.
- John? - Yeah.
Can I ask you...
Yeah.
Are you happy?
Happy in what?
Like at work?
Well, it's all connected. Right?
It's actually called the illusion of separation.
Dr. David Bohm.
It deals with the illusion of separation
in regard to personal versus professional life.
There is none, essentially.
Anyway, I'm a resource for you at McMillan.
You're not just a resource for us.
And if you need help with the human part,
drop on by.
In the meantime,
let me recommend some stress busters
like, say, popping bubble wrap
or just laughing out loud,
even when nothing's funny.
Sound good?
Sounds good.
♪♪ [acoustic guitar]
John: ♪ Sweetheart ♪
♪ There's something I have to tell you ♪
♪ I haven't told you ♪
♪ And it's going to scare you ♪
♪ There's this actor named Charles Grodin ♪
♪ He's smart and charming ♪
♪ With an easygoing vibe ♪
♪ He was in this movie Midnight Run ♪
♪ Which is why they named this crazy bike race after him ♪
♪ That I can't stop doing ♪
♪ I've been riding my bike at night ♪
♪ Through red lights and stop signs and railroad tracks ♪
♪ Against these crazy messenger guys ♪
♪ In between buses and oncoming traffic ♪
♪ Sweetheart ♪
♪ I guess I want to say ♪
♪ If I ♪
♪ Get hurt ♪
♪ Real bad ♪
♪ That would be okay ♪
♪ There'd be nothing to fix ♪
♪ Hold or fold ♪
♪ Nothing to lift ♪
♪ Or find or transfer ♪
♪ Nothing to sleep on or remember ♪
♪ Nothing to hide, forget ♪
♪ Or figure out ♪
♪ Nothing to conceal or carry ♪
♪ Break, wear down ♪
♪ Wear out or bury ♪
♪ Sweetheart ♪
[phone beeps]
Hey, it's Ed.
You asked me last week if I would tell you
if John wasn't okay.
Well, he's not.
He called a dog.
Alice, go see him. Go find him.
But you can't leave a trail.
He's involved in something.
It states here...
liaison application for intercountry interrogation
must be submitted in hard copies
as well as electronically.
Is your case prepared?
Yes, the case against John Lakeman is strong.
I'm purchasing my ticket to Milwaukee today.
Man: I'm at the window you told me to go to!
[crowd clamoring]
Woman on P.A.: Number 15 to window 7.
Number 15 to window 7.
[overlapping chatter]
Woman on P.A.: Number 22, window 3.
Number 22, window 3.
Woman on P.A.: Number 48, window 2.
Number 48, window 2.
Number 25, please proceed to window 6.
Good morning. Renewing my license.
Number 18, please proceed to window 8.
Number 18, please proceed...
Do you have your Vehicle Emissions System Statement?
- The what? - Your System Vehicle Permission Statement?
I was told I just needed my current license.
- Who told you that, honey? - Guy on the phone.
- Don't raise your voice, honey. - I wasn't-- What?
I don't make the rules--
The guy on the phone said that I just--
He doesn't make the rules, either.
You need an Emissions Renewal Systems Assessment.
- Along with this. - Can you give me one?
- No, honey. - You can't just give me one?
- Uh-uh, honey. - Who can?
You'll have to get back in line.
I waited for an hour and a half already.
They said I just needed to take this to you...
then get my picture taken.
You'll need to get another number,
take it to the Emissions Standards desk,
I'll process your renewal.
You come back up with your emissions application.
Uh... What was it? Emissions? Standard?
Emissions Systems Standard form application.
I feel like you called it five different things.
Get out of my face.
- Guy on the phone. - Every time.
Samantha Cantar?
One, two, three, smile.
Carlson Sohns.
Father, husband, public servant,
and pretty damn good racquetball player.
[crowd chuckles]
Glenn.
Yeah, Tom.
I need a favor.
What do you need?
Some money and time,
some resources,
and some faith.
I've been wondering when I can finally pay you back, Tom.
[groans]
Glenn!
- Glenn! - Glenn!
[panting]
Oh, fuck, man.
I used a great deal of taxpayer money
to influence a foreign election.
Not, uh... kosher.
I was not authorized to do this. Yet.
I was expected to.
Subsequently, in order to put out a fire that was created
in the early stages of this illegal plan,
I committed a second transgression
involving a smaller amount of money.
Trivial, really, in the scheme--
The illegal transference of $170,000
to stave off intrusion
by a band of fighting Brazilians.
Of course she said "no."
I mostly hear "no."
Then mostly I'm expected to proceed. Quietly.
But this time--
Well, Tim, it unraveled quickly.
- Unraveled? - Yeah.
Can you put it back together?
I'm trying.
Ordinarily, I have time to--
Ordinarily, I make progress when I'm told "no."
And then I go back with the progress,
and I ask again, and again I'm told "no."
But it's the "no" where I'm expected to keep going.
This time, if I go back with no progress,
with backward action,
then I'm told "no," well...
and it actually means no.
It also makes the "no" that I first got,
which wasn't really a "no,"
a real "no."
Then you're fucked.
Well, Tim, I'm almost fucked.
I'm at the extent of my budget.
I'm at the extent of my manpower.
My friends, who I count on,
well, they keep dying.
You're probably next. So can we step on it?
What do you need?
I need all the information you can get.
I need to know if we can make our intended progress,
or if it's time to cut our losses and face the music.
And maybe go to jail.
I just had to spend what used to be
a pissant amount putting out a fire that this plan caused.
Sometime in the next several days,
a yellow light's gonna go off in the General Accounting Office.
The 11 million is black budget. They can't ask questions.
But that was the whole fucking black budget.
This $170,000, I have to account for that,
and that can set off an investigation that exposes everything.
As it stands, I have no way of getting that money back.
I could be indicted over $170,000.
[sighs]
Well...
I'm gonna take a walk around the block.
- I'll be back. - Tim, thanks.
Oh, man, Tom, I wouldn't want your job.
That's a lot of "no's" to have to keep straight.
You make a mistake on one "no,"
you could be indicted for conspiracy.
Thirty years.
- No. - What?
No. They wouldn't approve the expenditure.
They said we exceeded our black budget for this case.
It's illegal for me to use my own money, man,
so I brought some of my private stash.
- Prell. - Fuck.
- Fuck what? - I have Prell here.
That's what I've been using, Prell.
Now I have to go to work,
but I can't work at my desk all day,
because the guy who smells my head sits right there.
So I'm just gonna have to wander around and shit.
And Leslie's gonna love that.
Okay.
Anyway, your bike's all dangerous now.
Thanks.
No problem.
Chair?
Not as yet.
[sniffs]
[typing]
♪♪
[sighs]
[weak chuckling]
[chuckling continues]
Hey, John.
Hey.
- John, do you have-- - No.
I don't have any of the shit you expect me to have.
- But, hey-- - Yeah.
You said on the phone that you work in Human Resources,
and I am a human or something,
and that you cared about me,
or something like that.
[chuckles] Something like that.
I think I said you're not just a resource to us.
We take the human part seriously.
Yeah. Cool.
That's cool.
At my other job, I--
Well, you can't even get a chair.
Your former job?
John, are you feeling all right?
No.
Okay.
John, let's take five. How 'bout it?
Are you getting the recommended eight hours of sleep, John?
- No. - What are you getting?
Much less.
Like how many hours?
Like no hours.
I mean, sometimes. Small windows.
We're gonna work on that.
Do you feel you have the resources and tools
to perform your job?
No.
Okay.
We're gonna work on that.
I've noticed you've been hanging out with Dennis McClaren.
Has that become a valuable workplace friendship for you?
It was.
Then something happened.
Okay, we can address that.
We can make a plan to address that.
How often do you experience stress, John?
More than average probably.
If McMillan provided you with a discount
to a local fitness center,
would you take advantage of this opportunity?
Probably not.
I don't know. Maybe.
Like a gym?
Yeah, gym. Fitness center.
Maybe.
John, what time of day do you feel is best best for you
to participate in a wellness activity?
Before work, during lunch,
after work, or other.
During lunch.
Would you like to participate in a wellness activity?
Yeah.
Do you like card tricks?
Performing card tricks?
Never really did it.
Never really thought about it.
Card tricks take soothing focus,
time to get right, and delight others.
They can be a real crowd pleaser.
Okay.
So I should do card tricks?
Well, some wellness activity.
Card tricks were just an example.
Oh, okay.
John, repeat after me.
I am a strong and competent businessman.
I'm a strong, competent businessman.
I am a difference maker.
I am well-groomed, healthy,
and full of confidence.
I'm well-groomed, healthy, and full of confidence.
Does just saying those words make you feel better?
Not really.
Hey, great start. Give me five.
You're the second person that asked me to give them five
in the last couple days.
For some reason.
Who else did?
My brother.
Is he a cool guy?
Yeah. He's Cool Rick.
[chuckles]
Well, he sounds cool.
Yeah, don't worry.
Just making sure you're all right.
Leslie?
I am. Yeah. Now.
Well, you missed some meetings.
I notice, Leslie.
Some sharing time?
I'm okay, Gayle.
This...
This, what?
What is it to me?
It's more than a book to me.
When I'm challenged personally,
I get back to center with this...
this reminder of...
well, my dedicated better self.
It calms me.
So on the road, I-- I often go find a copy.
Seeing it out there in the world,
it reassures me and reminds me
that there is a order to things in the world,
and I have my part in that.
Why that one?
Well, I wrote it.
[both laugh]
Well, then why don't you just own one?
Well, I don't know.
That might be prideful.
An author with his own book on his shelf? No.
I'll just borrow them.
I got this one the other day.
And I'll bring it back to Luxembourg.
So, yeah.
I'm okay.
Just been traveling.
Hey, Lakeman.
Leslie.
I marveled at you today, Lakeman.
Okay.
Marvelously wandering here and there...
except to your desk.
Just fucking wandering around,
to and fro,
all day.
I mean all day.
- How old are you, son? - Thirty-four.
[chuckles]
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
That's what you do at 34.
Just wander around.
May I share with you what I was doing at 34?
I was wandering over to my desk,
then sitting the fuck down
and writing this book.
Ah, thank you, Gayle.
Man: Leslie, can I have a word?
Well, I was just about to dig in, Lawrence.
- Is it important? - It is, but dig in.
And then stop by my office later this afternoon.
Hey, honey. We wrapped up here.
Luxembourg. Just having a beer at this bar.
Sending a little video message to you and the girls.
I love you guys so much. Can't wait to get home.
I-- Holy shit!
Are you choking?
Fuck! What is this?
Herpes simplex one, guy?
But you're choking?
Oh, great. Are you gonna die?
Fuck! What do I do?
I choose life.
I'm gonna give you mouth-to-mouth, guy.
- Don't, actually. - I won't.
Don't you die on me! Live! Live, damn you!
[panting]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm alive!
Jesus Christ, I thought I was dead!
That was so fucking close.
Balls move, man. Thank you.
Oh, hey, I have herpes.
You probably got it now, too.
Oh, fuck, man. What am I gonna tell my loving wife?
Just tell her you chose life.
If she's cool, she'll understand.
Yeah, she's the coolest.
There you go. Cool.
- Thanks, man. - Yeah.
- What was your name? - McClaren, Dennis.
- But you can call me hero. - Cool Rick.
Fuck.
Hey, sweetheart.
Yeah, we landed safely.
I had to go straight into work.
Um... Honey...
Audrey, um...
There's something that I have to tell you.
And I'm sorry...
to have to tell you this,
but I...
Thanks for stopping by, Leslie.
What can I help you with?
Leslie, our third quarter accounts have been called into question.
They aren't good.
I wanted to share that with you.
But the board, my mother-in-law,
they are unaware of this as yet.
Leslie, I steered us off course.
I'd like your hands on the wheel, Leslie.
As we close out--
As we close out our third quarter,
I'm gonna step over, Leslie.
I'd like you to step on,
and I don't want my mother-in-law to know.
Not yet. I want to get the house in order first.
But I need you for that.
So I'm gonna take your gloves off, okay?
How 'bout that?
Let's get you out of Divisional
and into the whole ball of wax here,
back in the big show.
Starting tomorrow.
Like I've always said, Lawrence,
let's get to work.
But there's one condition.
You got it.
Can we, Leslie,
just wait until...
Until what?
After this weekend's duck hunt?
We've determined where the bag is.
We've determined how to recover it.
We'll have it the afternoon of the 27th.
At 3:00 PM.
You'll meet the man at the Bettborn Station that evening.
Remain in Luxembourg until that time.
Man on phone: You're all set.
Luxembourg to Chicago, then on to Milwaukee.
How long is the layover?
An hour fifteen.
Let's see what seats we have available.
On the Luxembourg to Chicago leg,
we're wide open.
Woman on phone: We can hold that until midnight tonight.
Washington D.C. to Chicago, Chicago to Milwaukee.
Can I pay cash at the terminal?
Yes. Let's check seats.
D.C. to Chicago is light.
But let's see about Chicago to Milwaukee.
On the Chicago to Milwaukee flight,
it's nearly full, you got a window seat in the rear.
That will be fine.
All I have left are middle seats.
That's okay.
Okay, you're all set. That will be seat 23A.
Thank you.
You are confirmed for seat 23B.
Thank you.
So, yeah, sooner is better on that paperwork, John.
Just to remind you.
Yeah.
And thanks for the pipetalk.
No problem.
We value you.
Okay, cool.
My house. Midnight.
Fuck.
I remember the way your head smells
from the day my head got hurt.
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
[zips]
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
The last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
His chatter is distracting.
Can you ask him to stop, please, with his chatter?
No. I don't work for you, sir. I work for him.
Because he got creamed by a truck?
- Ally? - What's up?
Ally, the last smell that I smelled
is the smell that I'm smelling now.
His head.
♪♪
[female chorus singing in native language]
[singing continues]
♪♪ [ends] nues]