[theme music playing]
Hello, and welcome to Last One Laughing.
The show where ten comedians have to make each other laugh,
whilst trying not to laugh themselves.
It's a shame I'm not competing on the show, really,
because there's actual online petitions asking me to stop laughing.
[chuckles]
I… I get it. It is annoying.
Our comedians will spend six hours together in this room.
So, let me show you around.
That's the performance area and the sofas.
There's the kitchenette.
Those are some horses.
Look, I'm not an estate agent, you're not buying it.
Let's crack on.
This isn't gonna be easy for our contestants,
because not hearing laughter when you're a comedian is like…
Well, like being a shit comedian.
Whilst our comedians are playing the game,
I'll be watching it all unfold in the control room.
On these screens, I'll be able to see everything.
And over there is what they're competing for.
The Last One Laughing trophy.
Piece of shit.
Now, to help me keep an eye on all these cameras,
and because I can't bear to be alone with my own thoughts,
I've invited a special guest to watch with me.
My friend, Roisin Conaty. There she is.
-Jimothy. -What do you think?
I knew you'd have about a thousand tellies.
-[Jimmy chuckles] All right. -[Roisin chuckles]
Think of this, Roisin, as our audition for Gogglebox.
-Ooh! -We're just… we're just watching telly.
But we're, like, hunting laughers.
-[chuckles] We are. -[chuckles]
We're looking for laughs.
All right, time to meet our players.
First one in, it's Rob Beckett, one of my favourite comics.
Rob hosts a very successful parenting podcast.
Fun fact, he only does it so he can get an hour off from the kids.
-[doorbell rings] -Oh! Here we go.
Lord, I hate sitting house.
-[crew member laughs] -My ex.
-[laughs] -[crew member] I can see that.
[chuckles] Locker room.
-Is he allowed to smile now? -Until we start the game,
-they're all allowed to smile. -He needs to get all his smiles out.
Someone needs to tell him.
Okay.
So I'll just wait here for a bit then.
None of our comedians know who else is taking part.
So as they enter, they're finding out who they're up against.
Right, time for our second player.
-It's Daisy May Cooper. -Oh, my God. She is so funny.
[chuckling] So I'm laughing already.
I am terrible at keeping a straight face.
I'm just the worst. It's like asking a fish not to swim.
[doorbell rings]
-Oh! My darling. -Oh, hello.
-How are you? -How are you? Good.
-I'm good. We can smile, can't we now? -Lovely to see ya.
-Yeah, only right now. -[chuckles]
-It's just when the game starts. -Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Well, I'm not glad you're here, actually,
-'cause you make me laugh. -You took that compliment back quick.
-[chuckles] God. -There's a locker room
-for you to put your suitcase in. -Oh. Right, okay.
I mean, I'd literally been here for about 20 seconds,
-but I feel like I show you around. -Oh, yeah, please!
-Okay. Next to go in, it's Richard Ayoade. -[Roisin gasps]
[Jimmy] Comedian, actor, writer, director.
Richard is gonna be the man to beat.
With regards to keeping a straight face, um…
I haven't, I think, laughed properly since the '90s.
-[doorbell rings] -Boo! [laughing]
-Oh, darling. Thank you! -Yeah.
-Hello, mate. -Hi, Rob.
-Thank you very much. -Come here.
You all right? Wh… what's this?
-Oh, this is lovely. -What's that? It's a bit…
[Richard] I took flowers.
I thought this is a way of keeping people at a distance.
I've noticed the young like to hug,
which I view as an assault.
-How are you? I'm all right. -[Rob] Good, you all right?
-How are you? -We were gonna jump out on you,
-but I didn't make it on time. -Okay. Yeah, that would've been hostile.
All right, next in,
-it's Sara Pascoe. -Oh, my gosh.
Oh! My darling.
[Jimmy] Sara is a brilliant comedian and a vegan,
-so she puts the "funny" in "funny tummy". -[Roisin chuckles]
[doorbell rings]
[Rob] This is exciting.
-Oh, wow! Sara Pascoe! -[Daisy chuckles] Hello!
I feel really emotional.
Like I'm gonna burst into tears.
-Oh, darling. -Richard, hello.
-She's a big laugher, Sara. -She is a big laugher, yeah.
There's a locker room at the back.
-Want me to show you where that goes? -Thank you.
Rob's showing around. I love it. He's gone into full dad mode.
Okay, next up is Joe Wilkinson.
[grunts, clears throat]
I don't think I make any of my peers laugh.
And I only know this because they inform me.
I've never seen him out of his brown suit.
I didn't realise he had other shitty clothes.
-[doorbell rings] -[Roisin chuckles]
-Oh! Here's Joe Wilkinson! -Oh! Hello!
-Oh, fuck. I'm out first. -Yeah, this makes sense.
-[Wilkinson] Not for me, thank you. -[laughs]
-It's started already. Doing business. -[Wilkinson] Thank you.
Oh, this is a funny, funny lot.
Do I get a hug or not?
-[Daisy] Oh, that's lovely. -No. Back off.
-[Sara laughs] -[Jimmy] All right, next in,
it's Harriet Kemsley.
-Oh. -Brilliant up-and-coming comic.
Oh, this is… this is crazy.
I still don't have a sure-fire way of making people laugh.
Ask the people of Middlesbrough.
Uh, I did a gig there.
If they are in the house, they would be really good at not laughing.
[doorbell rings]
-[Rob] Oh, for f… -Oh, hello!
-Oh, my goodness. -[Sara] Harriet's here!
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Rob's really good at showing you where to put your case.
-Thank you. Are you gonna show me around? -He's great at that.
I didn't want the luggage to pile up.
I basically got caught in that. I thought, "You know what?
In for a penny, in for a pound. I'm the locker guy."
-There's a locker room this way. -Oh, lovely. Thank you, love. Okay.
Oh, hang on. Rob's on it.
-[Harriet] Are you good at not laughing? -No, not really.
-Yeah. [chuckles] -[Rob] But also, I smile a lot.
-The way my face folds. -That's it. That's mine as well.
-Yeah. -Some people have very angry expressions,
but mine's just like gormless.
[Rob] I'm gonna try and get as depressed as possible.
-[Harriet] Yes, yes. Just… -And just think sad thoughts.
I'm just gonna think about the Me Too movement.
-Okay, next to go in, it's Judi Love. -[Roisin] Oh, no. [chuckles]
[Jimmy] Stand-up comic, loose woman,
-and also, she appears on Loose Women. -[Roisin chuckles]
This is nice.
-[doorbell rings] -Hello!
-[all cheering, clamouring] -Hey!
When did… [gasps]
-I've always wanted to meet you in person. -Well, you still haven't.
-Oh, my gosh. How are you? -I'm so-so.
-I'm expecting a hug. -No. No.
What do you mean, "No"?
I don't think intimacy should be accelerated in this way.
Who said it was gonna be intimacy?
You see where your mind took you? You better calm down.
[laughs]
I see who's next. It's Joe Lycett.
[Roisin chuckles] Oh, what?
[Jimmy] He's a… He's a BAFTA winner
-and host of Late Night Lycett. -[Roisin] Incredible.
I think I'm fucked
because I find things not being allowed to be funny really funny.
-[doorbell rings] -[all cheering, clamouring]
Hello, you bastards!
Oh, dear. This is a problem.
-Hello! -Oh, gosh. You're gonna kill me.
-I'm gonna-- -You're gonna kill me.
Next in, it's Lou Sanders.
[gasps] Yay!
[Jimmy] Lou has a spiritual guru, uses crystals and is walking the wrong way.
It's the wrong way!
The other way.
-The other way. Oh! -[chuckles]
[chuckles]
-[doorbell rings] -I think that went well.
-[all cheering] -Oh, my God!
-[Daisy] Oh! -Thank you. Just one. Thank you.
-[both chuckle] -Hey, Loulie's here.
If people are being funny around me,
I'm gonna just close my eyes and think of my fertility report.
Last in. Lock up your nannas. It's legendary Bob Mortimer.
Wow.
[Jimmy] Everyone from our generation has been influenced by Bob.
[Roisin] He's so funny. He's so brilliant.
-[doorbell rings] -Hi, folks.
-[all cheering] -Hello, you. Hello!
[laughs] Oh, look it! Wow.
-Oh, thank you. -Here you go.
-[Daisy] Oh. -Thank you so much.
The only thing I can think of guaranteed to get a laugh
is one of these.
You know, it's old-fashioned.
[plays descending note]
If you get your timing right, it can be devastating.
You don't laugh so much, seriously.
I don't laugh a lot. But you are a problem, as you know.
[laughs]
All right. Well, that's all ten players.
Time to start the game.
-[sucks teeth] -It's exciting, isn't it? Here goes.
What a line-up.
I mean, if this ten can't make you laugh,
you are dead inside.
Doors.
-[Judi] Oh, who is it now? -[all] Oh!
-It's him. -He lives!
-[all laugh] -Please. Come join me on the sofas.
-Hello, everyone. -Hello.
-Don't forget. On the sofas. -[laughs]
Here are the rules. For the next six hours,
you have to make each other laugh. You are not allowed to laugh.
You're not allowed to giggle. You're not allowed to smile.
I'm gonna be watching everything in the control room.
And don't even bother trying to hide a laugh.
Do you look into what motivated the smile?
-Yes, we do look into it. -You do? Oh, that's all I wanted to know.
-[all laugh] -That's fine.
But smiling. Come on. Smiling's like… It's…
-Polite. -[Judi] It's polite.
No, okay. No, no. No, we just heard.
No, we're gonna change the rules now 'cause you said that.
-[all laugh] -What, is this classed as a smile?
-[Harriet] Yeah, what is smile? -[Judi] Yes, smile.
-[Lycett] What is a smile? -Smile?
-Yeah, we need to define it. -Jesus wept.
I'm enjoying this.
Sir, when's our normal teacher back?
[all laughing]
Oh. I would not last five minutes with you lot.
-All right. If you laugh at any point… -[all breathe deeply]
-…you get a yellow card. -Okay.
If you laugh twice,
you get a red card. You're out of the game.
You've got to come sit with me.
[laughing]
-[laughs] -Not really worth digging in, innit?
-[Richard] Yeah. -Yeah.
Okay. You'll be doing everything you can to knock each other out of the game.
I've got a couple of tricks up my sleeve as well.
The game starts when you hear this noise.
[off-key trumpet playing]
[laughing]
[Jimmy] So no laughing from that point.
If you hear this noise…
[electronic percussion playing]
…it means the game is paused, and while the game is paused,
you can laugh.
And can we develop photos?
[all laughing]
Okay. Uh, the last player remaining is the winner,
and they receive the coveted Last One Laughing trophy.
Here's the small print. I reserve the right to change the rules
as and when I see fit.
-Are you joking? -[Jimmy] Terms and conditions apply.
Your home may be at risk
-if you don't keep up repayments. -What?
Okay, does everyone understand the rules?
-Yes. -[Jimmy] All right.
Um, well, good luck, everyone.
I'll start the game when I go through.
-Okay. -[all whispering indistinctly]
-Doors. -[Judi] Wow!
I want that kind of power.
-He looks like AI. Like, he just walked… -Yeah, big time.
He does, doesn't he? Thunderbird.
Right.
I'm so excited.
That walk didn't even seem real.
-Shall we? All right. -[chuckles] Yes.
Okay. The game starts now.
[off-key trumpet playing]
Last one to laugh wins.
That's it. We're in play.
[beeping]
-Shall we go make a coffee? -Tea.
I feel like I can't, uh, move my body.
If everyone's going, I might stay still for a bit.
[sighs deeply]
Shall we talk about something incredibly mundane?
Yeah.
[Bob] Your kitchen.
-Rob Beckett. -That's just his teeth.
We can't knock him out for that. That's just the shape of his face.
You got a kitchen island?
I don't… I-I think I need a moment.
[inhales sharply] I… yes.
You got…
[Rob breathes deeply]
Look, well, that's a smirk. I don't mind a smirk.
Smirks are lubes for laughs.
[both] Smirks are lubes for laughs.
Why is everyone walking around?
I think, to get rid of energy or something, you know?
One thing that I do a lot to sort of distract myself
is sort of move.
So I'll just sort of… I'll have to, like, kind of pace,
or sort of do that thing with your legs where you just kinda go like that.
-I'm trying to get energy out, you know? -Well, don't do that.
-I'm gonna try and exhaust myself. -[Lou] Mmm.
-Are you exhausted yet? -No.
I'm actually finding it's incredibly easy.
You all right, Bob, yeah?
Yeah.
My friend has got a little sausage dog.
Bobby the sausage dog.
-I like sausage dogs. -[Lou] Mmm.
-With those tiny legs. -[Wilkinson] Okay, we'll have to head off.
[Lou] I think it's really… But I'm allergic to cats.
[Wilkinson] They started talking about sausage dogs, and, uh…
They're quite funny, aren't they?
Bob mentioned the little legs and I had to go.
[stammers] You feel really rude though. Don't you?
[stammers] Get up and go.
Have you watched, um, Joe jog?
-Yeah, I've never seen him move like that. -Difficult watch, innit?
[both laughing]
Richard, what are your hobbies? What do you enjoy doing?
That's a kind question.
Probably playing guitar.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Could I become any more interesting?
Do you have hobbies?
-Not… Uh, not particularly. -Okay.
-I used to play a lot of PS5. -Okay.
Have you ever played any of them?
I've never played a video game.
-Really? -Yeah.
-Not even a Game Boy? -No.
'Cause that's a video game.
-Sega Mega Drive? -Again, these are video games.
Oh, my goodness. So what did you do growing up?
I don't know. I cried a lot.
[sighs]
[laughing]
That's not smiling. Look.
-I'm trying to hold my face down, but-- -Show me.
-And then-- -No, don't do that for everyone else.
-No, no, no. No, no, no. -'Cause you doing that, is not… [scoffs]
Christ.
The size of that. There's more mouth.
There's just more opportunity for it to move.
Door.
No…
[chuckling] Is he shouting "door"?
[Richard] That wasn't a voice recognition.
I saw the labourers behind those doors that are a part of Jimmy's team.
They go with him everywhere,
and I wanted to see whether they knew his particular hallowed-out voice
or whether it would apply with anyone.
-Door! -Richard, don't!
I just can't believe Richard can run.
I don't know. It just doesn't… I don't picture him out jogging.
I feel like his… His body's only capable of, sort of, this…
[Rob] It's the silence I can't deal with.
If I keep talking, then maybe that will help.
It's the waiting for someone else to talk that's the problem.
And proximity, I find.
Something like this…
Don't do that.
[Rob] See?
It's horrible, isn't it?
-Are you… Are you dating at the minute? -No.
I feel like I'm in an era of, like, wanting to be single in power.
-Have you been on Raya yet? -No. Haven't been on Raya.
Did you ever go on Raya?
I did go on Raya, but there were, like… like art department people on there.
Oh, my Go…
[both laughing]
I'd like to take this moment to apologise
to our art department who have done a wonderful job.
That's the dream, to get someone in the art department.
-I had nothing. Like, absolutely nothing. -Really? Dry?
[chuckles]
Fuck. Judi, love.
-[Roisin] Sara. Sara's gone. -[Jimmy] All right, come on.
[electronic percussion playing]
[Judi] Oh, no.
So what does this mean now?
-Someone's laughed. Yeah. -Someone's laughed.
I mean, they're literally not taking this seriously enough.
-Doors. -Uh-oh.
-Oh, no. -[clamouring]
But now we are allowed to laugh. Jimmy Carr's here.
-Jimmy Carr's here. -Here he comes.
-We can smile now. Can we? Can't We? -You can laugh and smile now.
But you've been in here five minutes. Someone's already laughed.
Who the hell did that?
If ten comedians are in a room and no one's smiled,
-it's really quite sad. -Yeah, it would be sad.
This is our job, actually, Jimmy.
Okay, let's have look at the action replay.
Oh, my God.
[Jimmy] Who is it? Who's guilty of laughing?
-Not me. -Did you ever go on Raya?
I did go on Raya, but there were, like, art department people on there.
-Like, absolutely nothing. -Really? Dry?
[chuckles]
-No! -[laughing]
No, wait. No, wait. No, wait. No, I know I deserve it.
-[stammers] It's Judi. -What did I do?
-[Jimmy] Judi? Are you blaming Judi? -No, Judi's too funny.
-She made me laugh. -What did I say?
I love you all so much, but it's so… it's so fucking funny.
-[laughing] -[Jimmy] I'm gonna restart the game.
Doors.
-Sara Pascoe, that's a very early laugh. -[Bob laughs]
She needs to up her game.
So, it's the first yellow card for Sara and my advice for her,
I don't want to sound patronising, but try not to laugh.
Okay, let's restart the game.
-[off-key trumpet playing] -Oh, shit!
Oh, God.
[beeping]
Rich, do you want the details of my healer, because…
[Lycett] What do they heal?
-The details of your healer? -[Lou] Yeah.
As in, are you just gonna to describe the healer,
-or are you gonna give me a contact? -They're on Zoom.
[Richard] Okay.
Them being on Zoom is not a USP.
I'm on Zoom. I mean, anyone can be on Zoom.
The only person I was trying to actively catch out was Richard Ayoade.
He's got like an armour of defence.
This game is, like, brilliant for him.
My friend works for Metro rail, and she's--
No, tell me more about this person you know who has access to Zoom.
She knows someone who can get on Zoom.
This is a very good technique from Lou Sanders.
She's running away from Richard Ayoade.
[Lycett] It's a compassionate, empathetic thing to laugh.
[Lou] I cannot hang out with Richard.
He's a nightmare.
[Lycett] I think he's the one to take out.
But I don't think he would ever laugh at anything I…
I think if I died, he might laugh.
[both laughing]
Do you know what you have to do? Get his guard down…
[Lou] Get his guard--
Get his guard down and talk to him about something quite normal.
Daisy May Cooper is being pretty quiet over there.
You know what? I think we should get her to play her Joker.
-What does that mean? -So,
when they play their Joker, they've got to do a little performance,
and everyone has to watch.
Let's go.
[phone rings]
Joe Lycett speaking.
-[laughs] -Hi, Joe.
I would like, however, to speak to Daisy May Cooper.
Daisy.
-[Daisy] Oh, what is it? -[Richard] Phone.
Hello.
[Jimmy] Oh, hi, Daisy.
I was wondering if you could play your Joker.
[Daisy] Okay.
-Go and prepare. -Thank you. Bye.
[Jimmy] She's gonna make herself laugh.
-That's… That's the real danger. -She's BAFTA. She's BAFTA.
She'll be able to hold her nerve.
She is not to be messed with.
[ringing]
[Lycett gasps] Oh, it's a show.
-[sighs] -Wow. Okay, what's happening here?
Could… If everybody could gather around.
We all love British roller coasters.
And we're just gonna guess whether the re-enactment of this roller coaster
that I'm about to do
is either the Dragon ride at Legoland or Nemesis at Alton Towers.
-Oh, great. Okay. -Do you know that one?
Nemesis starts slow and then it's a big drop.
I am a trained actor,
so I think I'm gonna pull on all of those skills
and go quite method with this.
-Okay, are you ready, everybody? -Yeah.
["In the Hall of the Mountain King" playing]
[blower whirring]
This is okay, this one.
[whirring]
-[laughs] -Look at her face.
Oh, wow.
[exhales sharply] They're… Jesus Christ.
[Rob] This is very difficult not to laugh, Daisy.
-This is a very good bit. -Yeah.
I'm struggling here, Daisy. I just want to let you know.
Oh.
Joe Wilkinson's gonna go.
[whirring]
[both laughing]
They can't look at her face. [chuckles] Look at Beckett.
Jesus. [exhales sharply]
That feels Nemesis to me.
Reminds me more OnlyFans than Nemesis.
-[applause] -Hmm. I feel a bit off.
Okay. Should I get a bucket?
Don't be sick. Please, don't be sick. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
I feel… I do feel a bit sick, yeah.
Oh, at the moment all I've got is a colander
-but that's not gonna help, is it? -[burps]
[applause]
So they survived it.
Well done, Daisy May. That was brilliant.
Rob, I'd love to see you sensitive side.
-Yes, you're being very sensitive. -[Rob] Well, you know.
Well, if you're near a bucket and someone's being sick,
what am I, a monster?
-Great. -[Lycett] That was fantastic.
-That was actually fantastic. -Well done! Well done.
Put your hands up if you thought it was the Dragon ride.
No.
-Um… -No.
So who thought Nemesis?
-Nemesis. -[Daisy] You get a prize.
-Oh, great. -Take one. You can keep it.
I managed to get through that literally by playing it as a game.
And it was an exceptional performance of what it's like to be on Nemesis.
Y-You want a higher resolution image if you're gonna sell these.
-[Daisy] Dragon ride or Nemesis? -[Wilkinson] Dragon ride.
-Was I wrong? -[Richard] You're wrong.
I didn't get a key ring, but I… I, uh… I took Harriet's
because, I'll be honest, she was the smallest there.
[beeping]
I think of you as Rob Beckett.
-[Rob] I think… -When I think of you…
-[Rob] …I need a walk. Yeah. -…I never think of you as just Rob.
-Let's go. -Rob Beckett.
You think of me as Rob Beckett rather than just Rob?
-Rather than just Rob. -Don't I wanna be Rob like Madonna?
Or, you know, a mononym.
[Richard] Is that what it's called? A mononym?
-Do you have a middle name? -Anthony.
No, you're wise not to use that one.
[both laughing]
If you're doing stand-up, would you ever have "Rob" as the backdrop…
-No. -…and jumped through the O?
No, I'd have "Beckett".
I'd have "Rob Beckett". Not the O.
I didn't like your jumping.
[Richard] Why not?
I don't… I've never seen you move that quick.
[Richard] Everyone's walking away from me.
It's like being back at school.
Everyone wants to leave a conversation with me.
But you can't just do it. It's not right.
If you're saying, "I'm gonna leave this conversation".
I'm free to follow you and I'm free to hunt you down.
I feel like we have a spiritual connection.
-I just feel like you've got a good aura. -[Harriet] Mmm.
And I do feel like I've got a good aura.
You've spent a lot of money on that though.
I hold my hands up high.
I do spend a lot of money on spiritual clearing.
How much do you spend on it?
-He does walk away from me. -He does have to walk away, yeah.
[machine beeping]
The fruit machine is now available for inspiration.
Just pull the lever and follow the prompts.
[Lou] "Secret Celebrity Crush". Uh-oh. Everybody is gonna say me.
-"Secret Celebrity Crush". -"Boodeka".
-Richard. -I don't even know who "Boodeka" is.
-You don't know who "Boodeka" is? -Boadicea.
-Boadicea, they used to pronounce it. -I call it "Boodeka".
-Say her name. "Boodeka". -Yeah.
-Who is "Boodeka"? -Sara.
She was a resident of Essex. The Iceni tribe.
-Her husband died… -That's right.
…and then the Romans tried to take control.
-[Lycett] So this is when? -She burned-- Uh…
You know, BC.
-BC. BC. -[Lycett] BC.
It's, um… Is it meant to generate conversation?
Yeah. Do you know what is really awkward?
When you say something really loud to the room. Don't laugh.
But when you say something and you wiggle your little tush
and no one laughs, it's so awkward.
Ah, you bastard.
Joe, 'cause he's got that beard, he's got a laugh shield.
No beards next time.
Have you got a defence?
Have you got a thing to stop you giggling?
-Like jamming you finger-- -[Lou] What is going on here then?
What are you talking about?
'Cause all I saw was, sort of, Bob putting his finger in his mouth seductively.
I've got entirely implanted teeth.
-Have you? -[Lou] Really?
Sorry, apart from the mucky ones.
-The tops all and then the back. -I was gonna say the bottom ones.
Not so good. [chuckles]
[gasps] Bob. Bob. Bob just did a big laugh.
[Jimmy] There it is.
[electronic percussion playing]
Oh, God. What's happening?
Oh, Jesus. Who laughed?
-I feel that was me. -I think I messed Joe up.
[Jimmy] Doors.
-Oh, Jimmy's here. -Jimmy's here.
Someone's in trouble again.
[stammers] Well, a couple of things. Right? A couple of things.
If it says "Secret Celebrity Crush",
what we don't want is a five minute conversation about Boadicea.
[laughing]
It's not Time Team. Sara Pascoe, I'm looking at you.
-What? -[Jimmy] Okay.
-We've got another card. -You're looking at me. [chuckles]
-Let's see what happened. -Oh, my God.
We are bad at this game.
I've got entirely implanted teeth.
-Have you? -Really?
-The tops all and then the back. -I was gonna say the bottom ones.
Not so good. [chuckles]
[all laughing]
Having a laugh.
There's nothing the matter with having fake teeth.
-Thank you. -[chuckling]
This is tough.
While I've got you, we've had another laugh.
[both gasping]
Two laughs? Well, that's a Jimmy Carr gig.
-Stop it, you. Take a look. -[chuckling]
Do you know what is really awkward?
When you say something really loud to the room. Don't laugh.
You wiggle your little tush, and no one laughs, it's so awkward.
Ah, you bastard.
[chuckles]
-[chuckling] -Oh!
-Well, what do you expect? [chuckles] -[Richard] Man down.
-You asshole. -[chuckling]
-Oh! -Lou is a nightmare.
I'm so sorry.
Lou and Richard Ayoade. Very aggressive play, I would say.
But I love Joe and I'm very sad about this yellow card.
-I'm fuming. -Okay, I'll go and restart the game.
-Door. -[all laughing]
[Jimmy] Ayoade, get back in there!
[laughing continues]
-He does it so well. -[laughing]
Nearly. Nearly.
[Jimmy] So that's three yellow cards already.
I have no idea how we're gonna get six shows out of this.
At this rate, it's gonna be over by lunchtime.
This is so hard.
Son of a gun.
[Jimmy] Okay, let's restart.
[off-key trumpet playing]
Oh.
Who's your celebrity crush?
Theresa May.
[chuckles]
-Who's yours? -Jimmy.
When he comes… I can't even look at him when he comes out.
What is it about him? Is it his body?
I think it's… [stammers] It's like a sort of psychopathic thing.
[chuckles]
I just think he's really smart. And I think he's a genius.
[laughs]
That was a massive motivation
as to try and stay in the… in the house for as long as I could,
so that I didn't have to sit next to him in the room 'cause I'd just be blushing.
Just so… Oh, my God.
Yeah, he's just gorgeous.
[bell ringing]
-Oh, I don't love it. -Is that a break?
-Okay, everyone. -Oh, Jimmy's on the telly.
When the bell rings, gather on the sofas.
Everyone, it's time for a head-to-head challenge.
Joe Lycett. Lou Sanders.
You two seem to be getting on great.
So this should be easy.
You just need to take it in turns to give each other compliments
and you must maintain eye contact at all times.
-Ooh. -No, that's not fair.
The game starts and ends when the bell rings.
So, please, take your seats on the stage.
Everyone else, watch from the sofas.
Good luck. Good luck. You're both amazing.
Good luck, Joe.
-[Lycett] Ready? -We're fucked.
-Joe, this is-- -[screams]
Oh, don't!
-[Richard] Joe, the shoes are big, mate. -[Lou] Joe.
[Richard] I've got to say.
-That's really hard to do. -It's physical comedy.
Okay, I'm just gonna get a drink.
They didn't say, "Look each other in the eye".
Did they say, "Look each other in the eye"?
-Yeah. -[gasps]
Okay, you must compliment each other whilst looking each other in the eyes.
-The game starts now. -[bell rings]
-Who? Who? Yeah. -I'll start. I'll start.
I think you're, um, really funny.
You're like a sunset. You're full of light.
And I can see you going down on me at 7:00 p.m.
-Depending on what time of year it is. -Yes.
Depending on if its summer or autumn or…
You could wait till 8:00 p.m.
If you can hold it.
Have you got a compliment for me?
-You're fit as fuck. -Oh, that's lovely.
[Lycett] I'd give you one.
-Can't hear you. -You're like a flower!
In that you're full of yeast because you went down on me at 7:00 p.m.
[laughing]
That's really beautiful.
I've learnt a lot from you.
One of the things I've learnt from you is that you don't need to chop vegetables
because when I stayed with you once,
I just watched you tear a pepper apart with your fists
and put it into a…
I think it was, like, some sort of casserole.
And, um, I thought,
"Do you know what? Why not?
-Who needs things to be neatly sliced?" -Oh!
[both laughing]
[clock ticking]
Do you know what I learned from you?
-You… -Oh, casserole got your tongue, has it?
You could do a shit so big that my boyfriend at the time…
-[Lycett] You fucker. -There it is. I'm pressing the red button.
[electronic percussion playing]
[Judi] I know some people laughed.
[Jimmy] Doors.
-[Judi] Oh, God. -Oh, dear.
-[Jimmy] Oh, that's a lovely welcome. -Don't look at me like that.
Okay, well, we've had another yellow card.
-A yellow card? -[Lou] A yellow card?
-Let's have a look. -Oh, this is bleak.
You could do a shit so big that my boyfriend at the time…
-[clamouring] -I was crying. That's… I'm upset.
-[Sara] No. -You f… bastard.
-Okay. So, we've got another yellow card. -Wow.
-Ooh. -I think it might be me.
[Jimmy] Take a look.
I stayed with you once.
I just watched you tear a pepper apart with your fists.
I thought, "You know what? Why not?
-Who needs things to be neatly sliced?" -Oh!
[all laughing, clamouring]
-[Jimmy laughs] -Oh, that's harsh.
-Fair enough, I did laugh. -Yeah.
Okay. So, Sara, you've got a yellow card.
Joe, you've got a yellow card. Rob, yellow card.
Joe, yellow card. Bob, yellow card.
-Oh, no. -Oh… Oh, my God.
-Damn it. Son of a gun. -He's looking at me.
[Jimmy] It's our first red card.
-Oh, no! -[all clamouring]
Oh, no!
That's like being tortured.
Don't lick me. I'm Jamaican.
[laughs]
When is it going to stop? I'm just one woman.
-You have chlamydia. -I didn't give consent for that.
Meats and cheeses always pleases.
I wanna see Richard Ayoade crack. That for me is good television.
-[blows raspberry] -Jimmy's an absolute piece of shit.
-I'm just disappointed. -Oh, no!
-We'd gone mad. -[shushes]
[low-pitched vocalising]
-Oh! -Oh!
[crying]
It was straight kill shot and that was that.
[inhales deeply] Sleck. t and that was that.